


Airplane

by yutae127



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-13 22:20:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7988173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutae127/pseuds/yutae127
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taeyong says he's happy. Yuta wants him happy, but if he isn't the reason behind, then he'll ruin it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1.

"That would be three thousand won."

 

Pulling out his credit card, he hands it to the cashier and watch as the small lady with pretty eyes packs his food, handing him the small paper bag. Making sure he smiled back warmly at the lady before walking out of the store.

 

The sun blazes down faintly from the cloudly sky outdoors in the early morning. Small sweat forms on Yuta's forehead and he took off the coat of his school uniform. In a year, he will get rid of wearing this snuggy attire and what comes after that is for him to decide. High school was a lot of mess and he still deliberate about what career to pursue on college.

 

Yuta doesn't even like pepero, but he likes the idea of it being on a box and how the sticks have almonds on them. He wonders what Jaemin likes so much about pepero. Nibbling at the sweet ,he puts the box to his backpack. His appetite isn't quite welcoming for anything sugary today.

 

Certainly, Hansol will scold him about being late again. It's past 9 o'clock and classes started two hours ago. Yet, Yuta is halfway of walking from his school. He had to take this shortcut every time the bus left him but in return, he can get in through the back of their school climbing up the gates. It was risky because the gates are tall, also the area at the back of his school is surrounded by tall trees and nobody around, but he's left no choice.

 

Yuta regrets why he didn't bring an umbrella as more sweat forms on his neck to his back. Promising himself to not be left by the bus to school anymore because this kind of exercise isn't very rewarding. His phone buzzed and he fished it out from his pocket, answering the call.

 

"Hell---"

 

"Yuta! Where the hell are you?" Taeil yelled from the other line.

 

"Hell." Yuta pulled away from his phone at the shouting.

 

"Did the class started?"

 

"What started? Dude, first class ended and second class is ending in 25 minutes! Mr. Ahn special mentioned you in class again. You're embarrassing."

 

"Why is he so pressed about me?" Yuta replied dramatically. Slowing his steps this time. He can skip his first class with Mr. Ahn again. The teacher obviously didn't like him anyway.

 

"And guess what he said," Taeil, again, screamed from the other line. "He'll notify your soccer captain about your behavior in class. Say good bye to scholarship, bro."

 

"Holy fuck." Yuta swallowed. "I'll talk to him when I get there in 5 minutes. I'm gonna run."

 

"What the hell, Yuta! Did you take the shortcut again?!"

 

"He's hitting on the cashier lady at 7 11." Yuta hears Doyoung from the other line.

 

"I told you to stop going there! What if the people who see you jumping on the alley mistook you as a thief?!"

 

"Hey, I don't look like one." Yuta groaned.

 

"Just come to school quickly! Where are you now?!"

 

"I'm nearing the church. Passing by a pla---" Yuta looks around and in shock , he pales.

 

Pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes and making sure he was seeing things right. Still standing there at the playground , was the familiar figure of someone he never though he'll see again. "T--Tae.." Yuta's throat went dry and his hands fall limply to his sides.

 

"Why?!" Taeil screamed on the phone. "What is it again?! Yuta where are you?!"

 

 

 

 

It's a nice weather for his daily routine. Preparing breakfast and eating with his tiny household. There are a bunch more to take care of and his morning always starts early.

 

He got used to it for awhile now. He didn't become responsible over night but he learned to time. Making sure he got every thing in tact on a small back pack, it's the time of the week where he takes his little angel to the play ground to play with other kids.

 

At first, he was shy having to meet parents that are twice his age. But everyone was nice to him and he got comfortable through having to meet them almost everyday.

 

"Such a good looking child, no wonder, the father is very good looking." A woman tells him.

Taeyong smiles fondly, bowing and thanking her. He called his angel who was playing on the sand and the little sunshine waved at them.

 

"He got his looks from his mother though." Taeyong tells her.

 

Humming, the woman nods. "Joohyun is a very beautiful lady. How are the two of you doing?"

 

It was a roller coaster of a ride. It could take up an hour for Taeyong to answer that question, but he opts to say, "We are doing well. Joohyun is graduating her vocational college soon. I think I'll go back to finish my last years of high school when she graduates."

 

"It is important that you finish your studies."

"I can work part time while I'm at it. Schedule will be tight so I guess we'll send our son to the nursery. He's turning three on October."

 

"You are still so young to go through this much, Taeyong." She says, sympathetically.

 

Taeyong only gave her a sad smile. He's quite convinced that he's doing his responsibilities as a parent to Shiho and as a husband to Joohyun pretty well. She and Shiho are his priorities, the most important people in Taeyong's life. They are very welcoming and warm and they feel like home. They are his new family now.

 

He's still working out on being liked by Joohyun's parents, if his had chuck him out of the house long time ago. Maybe if he finish college and have a stable job to support his small family, they will. It might have been a mistake, and it's not perfect, but somehow Taeyong finds contentment in it. They are happy.

 

There might have been a lot of oppurtunies that slipped out of Taeyong's hands when all these happened. Including getting a scholarship major in dancing or even studying abroad for his college. It went down the drain, including his dreams, but he knows Joohyun and Shiho will be there to hold his hands when he needs them. He's only turning 19, and he knows there are still a lot of favorable chances waiting for him if he works hard.

 

He picked Shiho and tells him to wave goodbye to his friends. He bowed to the parents that were at the bench before they leave.

 

"Papa! Papa!" Shiho squirmed when they left the playground, hitting Taeyong mildly on the chest then pointing his finger to the slide.

 

"You still want to play?" Taeyong asked him, and the toddler nods with a pout. "But papa has to go to work now."

 

"Papa! Papa!" Shiho cried, hugging Taeyong on the neck and biting on his hair.

 

"Don't do that. Oh!" Taeyong shifts to the side quickly, when someone almost bumps to them. "Are you okay? Shiho?"

 

Shiho nodded although still pouting. "Papa.."

 

"You can play with mama when we get home. " He says, wiping tears off of Shiho's eyes with a towel.

 

"Mama. Mama." Shiho mutters, hugging Taeyong on the neck again.

 

Laughing, Taeyong kissed him on the cheek. "Fine, fine. You love her more than you love me." Shiho nods again and Taeyong burst into a fit of laughter, and his son looks at him confused.

 

When they got home, Shiho was asleep to his chest. He was met with the smell of the food Joohyun is cooking in the kitchen.

 

"Did you two have fun?" She asked, wiping her hands on her back and taking Shiho from Taeyong. "My baby fell asleep."

 

"He run all around the playground, I couldn't even catch him." Taeyong says, patting his head.

 

"Are you tired?" Joohyun asked, looking at him worried. "I told you I'll take him to the play ground myself."

 

Smiling, Taeyong kissed her on the forehead. All his exhaustion instantly gone upon seeing his wife. "Not at all."

 

"I'll put him to his bed. Eat first before you go to work."

 

Nodding, Taeyong watches as Joohyun holding a sleeping Shiho disappears to their room. He showers first and when he got out, Joohyun is back at the kitchen again.

 

"Need a hand?" He asked, drying his hair and walking near her.

 

"Not really. Your work doesn't start until 11 and you still have an hour. Eat first before you leave."

 

"Yes ma'am." Taeyong says, making Joohyun chuckle.

 

She's only 2 years older and always act like the mature one between them. It still feel like dreaming being around her. Joohyun is someone Taeyong has been crushing on ever since he was in gradeschool. She's beautiful. Long brown hair flowing waves down her shoulders that compliments her porcelain skin. Her eyes are captivating dark orbs that shines, and framed with long lashes. Looking at her feels sanctuary, like an ethereal goddess that could soften everyone's heart.

 

Taeyong was one of those who were captured, not only by her beauty but her delicacy. She's perfect in every way she is and Taeyong is still smitten as he was from the first day he saw her.

 

When he finished eating, he kissed her goodbye and Shiho too as he heads to work. Taeyong works at a coffee shop, sometimes he's on the cashier, or the one making the coffee, and rare times when he's sighed to clean up the store. He's been working here for two years now. The salary isn't that big, but enough for him to help Joohyun with their expenses at home.

 

Joohyun is a scholar on her vocational college and is a student assistant on her university, also she works as a part time model for magazines, shoe shops and a clothing brand.

 

Taeyong doesn't earn as much as Joohyun does, and he only works a maximum of 6 hours in a day, depending on what shift. He would base it on Joohyun's schedule so there's atleast someone at home who will take care of Shiho. He spends most time with him, but Shiho still likes his mom better. He isn't upset one bit and only laugh about it.

 

 

 

"Where's Hansol?!"

 

Everyone in the classroom looks at the panting Yuta who burst in the door. The teacher could arrive any minute now and the bell just rang.

 

"Yuta, what the hell." Taeil stood up from his seat.

 

"Where is Hansol where is Hansol? Where is Hansol?!" Yuta repeated his question like a mantra until somebody answers him, not from his friends but the girl sitting at the front row who obviously just wants Yuta to shut up. Saying she saw him heading the school faculty with Mrs. Kwon.

 

His friends are used to Yuta being rowdy and carefree. But Taeil is still irritated for his poor performance on his studies and being so relaxed about it.

 

"Yuta where are you going!?" Johnny and Taeil shouted in unison but in fell on deaf ears.

 

Yuta sprints to the faculty room, ignoring the scowls he gets from the girls he bumped to in the lockers. But right when he turned to the hallway to the faculty, he saw Hansol walking and looking at him with wide eyes.

 

"What are you do---"

 

"Hyung!" Yuta shrieked, grasping the older on both his shoulders and shaking him. "I saw Taeyong! I saw him! Let's go to him!"

 

"Wh-what? Where?" Hansol furrows his brows. "Yuta, calm down."

 

Breathing heavily, Yuta tries to calm from his faze. "I saw him, hyung. It's him...It's Taeyong. He has a....He's holding a..."

 

Hansol looks down, his shoulders sagging and his head is filled with burden. He nods, placing a hand on Yuta's shoulder. "Let's just leave him alone "

 

"No way, hyung!" Yuta protests. "I have to meet him! I have to talk to him!"

 

"Just stop." Hansol says in a stern voice. "Are you sure he wants to see you? Yuta, he cut his connection with everyone, including you, that means he doesn't want us in his life anymore. Let's just let him be."

 

"But I---I'm his....." Yuta's lips tremble.

 

"Stop taking that shortcut. If you go back there, I'd report you to the security guards." Hansol says and starts walking away. "Also, if you don't wake up early for class tomorrow, I'd call your mom."

 

Yuta fell in silence. He's far too gone to think about anything else. "I'm going to him. I'm going talk to him."

 

Hansol stopped Yuta by grasping him on the elbow. "Stop it, Yuta. He has pushed you away many times. Did you forget? Do you want that to happen again?"

 

"What if this time he won--"

 

"And what if he does?" Hansol bites. "You're going to cry about it again? Skip school? Skip meals? I thought you'd learned already?"

 

"I--I just...." Yuta trembles with sobs, he rest his forehead on Hansol's shoulder. "Hyung...I don't think I can study today. Take me home, please."

 

Sighing, Hansol pats the crying Yuta on the head. "Fine. But only today. You'll come to class tomorrow, okay?"

 

Yuta nods. Wiping his tears with the back of his hands.

 

 

The ride to their dorm was silent. Yuta is just staring dumbly out the car window and Hansol can only watch him, sighing. They climb up the building to their shared room at the fourth floor. Yuta going back to his bed where he was just asleep there an hour ago.

 

"Can you call Jaemin?" He asked Hansol, hiding under covers.

 

"He's in class right now. Did you eat breakfast? Are you hungry?"

 

"Top students can skip class for a day and it won't hurt their grades." Yuta reasoned. He's sure Jaemin will come rushing anyway if he finds out Yuta went home from school for brooding.

 

"He said he'll come with Jeno." Hansol tells him.

 

"My babies."

 

Jaemin and Jeno arrived in 30 minutes with food in hand. They greeted Hansol who was busy on his laptop first, then goes to Yuta who's bed was located on the corners of the wall.

 

"What happened, hyung?" Jaemin asked.

 

Jaemin is close to Yuta like they are real brothers and they tell each other everything. Jeno respects this and before Yuta could answer, he bowed and moves to Hansol ro see what the older was playing.

 

"Come sit here." He pats the corner of his bed. "I saw Taeyong. "

 

"What?!" Jaemin asked, surprised.

 

Nodding, Yuta sighed.

 

"Did you talk to him?"

 

Yuta shook his head. "I wish I did. But I didn't know what to do so I just run away. I don't think he even saw me."

 

Jaemin. "Really!? What does he look like?! What was he doing?! Where did you see him, hyung?!"

 

Yuta couldn't answer all those, and rather he said, "I'm going to find out."

 

 

 

 

Yuta didn't want to hear crap from everybody, especially from Hansol and Taeil so he tries his best to wake up and took the bus to school with them. Carefully, as they were heading to the next class, he flee from everyone and went unnoticed.

 

His phone started buzzing the moment he climbed down from the tall gates at the back of the school, and he turned it off. Hopeful, Yuta makes his way to the play ground. It was the same time from yesterday where he saw him.

 

Yuta can feel his heart beating out of his ribcage as he nears the playground. He had no idea what to tell Taeyong if ever they will meet today, but he know he had to see him no matter what. It doesn't matter even if he got pushed away again, what matters is he sees him once again.

 

He halts for a moment, breathing in and out. It doesn't matter whether on not he sees Taeyong today. Yuta knows how persistent he is. He doubts he can stop his own feet trying to look for him.

 

Yuta's eyes starts to water the moment he looks at the swings. Standing there was Taeyong. It's him and Yuta can't be mistaken. He knows every angle of him, every inch of Taeyong, Yuta knows him perfectly. Shaking off his agitation, Yuta quickly walks closer to him.

 

"T---Taeyong." He called.

 

As if recognizing his voice and startled, Taeyong quickly turns to him. Eyes wide and mouth slightly open. He looks the same as he did from 3 years ago of Yuta not seeing him. So alluring and yet so fragile.

 

"T--Taeyong I, I missed you." Yuta says. He never plan on saying this, but it slipped out his mouth so easily.

 

"W--what are you doing here?" Taeyong stepped back, Shiho who was confused of the situation runs to Taeyong, hugging his father's leg.

 

"W--who is he?" Yuta stuttered asking, afraid of what the answer might be.

 

"Shiho, don't cry." Taeyong says, bending down and hugging his son. As if Shiho could feel the weight on his father's shoulders right now.

 

"You named your son...Shiho?" Yuta asked, looking at the kid's face. He looks so much like them. And suddenly, it hurts all over again.

 

"Shiho, let's go home." Taeyong picked up the crying Shiho, hugging him tight. Ignoring Yuta and walking passed him.

 

Yuta couldn't look anymore, he's staring at nothing. Listening to Taeyong's steps fading in the background. It's the same thing happened like before, Taeyong left him all alone. All the memories bounce back to his head and stab him through his chest. It was to the point that he could feel his heart literally breaking. But he can't watch Taeyong fade away like this once again.

 

So this time, before it's too late, Yuta turned himself around and scurried fast to Taeyong who's back was turned at him and walking fast. He halts when Yuta held the back of his shirt.

 

"I love you Taeyong. I still do. Don't forget that."

 

Why was it easy to say now? Yuta wonders as he wait for Taeyong to say something. But rather, his hands was shrugged off and he watches Taeyong leave him again.

 

"I'll get you back." Yuta whispers to himself.

 

 

____________________________________________

 

im sorry for suddenly dropping this like ok I'll finish this one first before i finish "tides will bring me back to you" ;_;


	2. 2.

Just like how it happened three years ago, Yuta got pushed away. But this time, Taeyong wasn't angry, he looks regretful at most. Tired and unhappy. Yuta thinks he needs someone, he needs him. Whatever it takes, there's no way Yuta is going to let go.

 

 

 

 

The weather was hot but he could feel his face and his hands freezing.Taeyong couldn't feel his legs the time he reached home. Shiho wasn't squirming on his arms when they left the playground, but rather observing his face. 

 

"Papa? Papa?" Shiho says, gently patting Taeyong's cheeks with his palms. It's like Shiho could apprehend his troubles. 

 

Taeyong puts him down on his crib, kissing his young one on the top of his head. Shiho is still looking at him, as though waiting for an answer. "It's nothing, Shiho. Don't worry." 

 

Shiho reached his hand out to hold the front on Taeyong's shirt. As if he saw right through his lie. Shiho asked, "Papa? Why?" 

 

"Everything is--is fine, buddy." Taeyong finds himself stuttering. "Papa is fine." 

 

Shiho blinks at him doubtful, he sat down and lie on his crib. Surprisingly, he isn't acting as clamant as he is, as though he could understand Taeyong's situation. Shiho is really a smart boy, just like his mother.

 

"Are you hungry?" Taeyong asked and his son nods. 

 

Taeyong couldn't focus on anything and he'sa little slow preparing Shiho's milk. But the young one is waiting patiently, there was concern in his eyes as he watch his father hands him the bottle. 

 

"Go to sleep. Mama will be back when you wake up." Taeyong tells Shiho and he nods again. He brush up the youngers hair. "I'll be making lunch. Will you be fine alone, Shiho?" 

 

"Yes, papa." 

 

Taeyong pats him on the head again before leaving to the kitchen. 

 

He clutched the holder of the fridge tight. One hand palming his face. He didn't exactly think he'd see Yuta. Taeyong pushed him away several times that he never thought Yuta will come near him anymore. He's sure he had shove him away enough, but knowing Yuta and his persistence makes Taeyong lose himself to thinking. 

 

He tried shaking it all off. Thinking of anything that puts his mind in peace, Shiho and Joohyun. She'll be home from the university any moment and Taeyong needs to pay attention on making a nice food for her. Cutting the onions, he gasped when he accidentally cut the top of his index finger. His heart pounds heavily in his chest, hands trembling as he wash off the blood. He reached up the drawers for alcohol and a plaster. 

 

Taeyong leans on the counter, cleansing his wound. It stings, but not enough to distract him from his reverie; Yuta coming back onto his life so suddenly. It chills him to the bones. Exhaling deeply, he fish his phone out of his pocket. 

 

To: love

Can't wait for you to come home. I love you

 

It took him more time longer than the usual to finish cooking. Meticulously preparing the food and setting up the table. He finished making the orange juice and that's the exact time Joohyun entered their apartment. 

 

"Is Shiho sleep---" 

 

Taeyong dash to Joohyun, kissing her full on the lips. She kissed him back but pulled away quickly, chuckling. 

 

"Taeyong what's---" 

 

"I love you." Taeyong hugs her tight, murmuring on top of her head. 

 

"I love you too, Tae." She said, wrapping her arms around him. 

 

"I love you so much. Just you. I love you." 

 

 

 

"What did you do? Where did you go, huh?" Johnny interrogates Yuta the moment they meet him staring blankly out the window on the hallways. Playfully clutching the younger's collar. But the dark look on Yuta's face tells him he isn't up for any jokes so he quickly let's him go. 

 

"God ,Yuta you skipped Mr. Ahn's class again. He's heading to the gym." Taeil groaned, about to rant again when Hansol pats him on the shoulder to gesture him to stop. 

 

"I told you not go back there, didn't I?" Hansol says, fixing Yuta's necktie that Johnny had ruined. "What did you do?" 

 

Yuta only juts out his bottom lip, avoiding everyone's eyes on him. 

 

"Yuta, did you forget your promise? You said before that you will stop---" 

 

"Hyung, the...he was---the child....is his son. Hyung, he was holding his son." Yuta's voice cracks. To see it, and having it come out of his mouth, it hurts in many ways. 

 

Everyone fell silent and it makes Johnny feel so guilty. It's not like they don't know it, they all do. But for Yuta to actually witness it, they know that he's hurting. Knowing about their past and sticking out with Yuta all these years, they know it still cuts him to pieces. 

 

"I'm sorry, bro." Johnny says, hand resting on top of Yuta's head. "I think it's really the time that you give up on him." 

 

"No." Yuta pry his hand away. "He isn't happy. He needs me. He still loves me. I know he still do. I can see it in his eyes." 

 

Hansol and Johnny shared a look. Worry drapes all over them. They were just talking about it a few nights ago, Taeil was right when he said there's no way Yuta had move on from Taeyong. He stopped talking about him, but Taeil told them he doubts Yuta stopped thinking about him completely. 

 

"If he left you, then he doesn't." Taeil says, receiving a warning look from Hansol. 

 

"He does. I know he does." Yuta says, tears rolling down his cheeks. "He regrets it all. He regrets leaving me." 

 

"Stop now, okay?" Hansol grips him on the shoulders and squeezed him hard, as if telling him to wake up. "Don't let those three years of getting over him go down the drain." 

 

"He'll---- he'll take me back. I know he will." Yuta choked a sob. 

 

"Yuta, stop crying. You're so much better than that." 

 

"I--I love him him so much. You have no idea. And I'm sure he still loves me." 

 

Hansol holds Yuta when other students starts noticing and the school guard walks to them. Taeil sent him away by saying nothing was wrong and they're just playing around. Lunch went on, with Yuta still moping. The entire time, he has his palms covering his face but accepting any food that was offered to him.

 

When they were back on their dorms that night, Hansol tried talking him. Repeatedly reminding Yuta to come to his senses. But Yuta didn't bother to listen, mind is too far gone to thinking how he can see Taeyong again the next day. 

 

 

It's not that Doyoung, Jaehyun, Winwin, Kun and Ten were oblivious about the reason of Yuta's dilemma. But they are one of his friends who chose not to intrude into Yuta's privacy. Besides, those mishaps happened a long time ago and no one talks about it anymore. 

 

But today, Yuta tells them. None from Johnny, Hansol and Taeil agreed on him and that puts him down than he already is. Maybe from their younger friends, he could get encouragement, from one person at least. 

 

"Taeyong hyung got kicked out of his house too, didn't he?" Winwin sighed. "I wonder if he's eating well all this time. But I don't want to speak to him anymore." 

 

"Me too." Kun nods. "If he said he doesn't want to see any of us, then I guess we should listen to him." 

 

"I think Hansol hyung is right, it's the time you let go." Jaehyun says. 

 

Yuta stares at them blankly, he looks at Ten and Doyoung with expectant eyes. Those two are most likely to figure out that he's here for sympathy. 

 

"Yeah, Hansol hyung is right. You need to stop so less people gets hurt." Ten says nonchalant. 

 

Yuta snorts. He believes he isn't wrong about this. He'll have Taeyong back even if the whole world is against it. 

 

"People need to fight for the people they love." Doyoung comments, earning glares from everyone at the table. Except for Yuta who's waiting for him to continue. "What?" 

 

"Doyoung hyung, honestly?" Jaehyun gasp. "Whether or not Taeyong hyung is happy, he chose them already. And no one should put their fingers on that anymore. Even Yuta hyung." 

 

"But there are two things, it's either he hurts others or he gets hurt. Someone has to hurt, right?" Doyoung tells them, then turns to Yuta. "Then you choose." 

 

Yuta looks at Doyoung, trying to comprehend what he said. Although Doyoung is making it sound like he's in the wrong, Yuta believes he needs more friends like him. He wishes Hansol to think the way Doyoung does. 

 

"So in other words, you're going to force yourself on him? When he already have a son and a wife? Like, ruin their family?" Ten furrows his brows and snorts. "I never want to believe it when Johnny said you're so much more than an asshole, but now.." 

 

"Well, he does what he likes anyway and it's not like anyone can stop him." Doyoung quips. 

 

"Then come with me! L--like right now. Around this time I'm sure he's at the playground with his....son." Yuta says, shaking Doyoung's arm. The last part still sounds bitter on his tongue. 

 

"Okay, but let's take the bus there. I don't wanna take that shortcut." Doyoung started fixing his things. 

 

"Nobody tells this to Hansol." Yuta announced. 

 

"I am so telling this to Johnny hyung." Winwin rolled his eyes.

 

"And Taeil hyung." Kun adds. 

 

"I don't agree to this but I'll come with you. I want to see Taeyong hyung." Jaehyun packs his things too. 

 

They arrived at exact 9 o'clock at the play ground. After twenty minutes, Yuta starts to feel jittery. They were getting questioning looks and stares from the parents and the kids, not because they're tall and in their uniforms. But what could three guys their age would be doing just sitting there on the swings on a playground. There was still a no show of Taeyong or his son.

 

"Maybe he saw us?" Asked Jaehyun. 

 

"Let's just go. I'm sweating." 

 

"No, Doyoung!" Yuta groaned. "Let's wait, please. Ten more minutes?"

 

"If he doesn't show up in 5 minutes, we're leaving."

 

They waited another thirty minutes because Yuta didn't want to give up just yet, and Jaehyun doesn't want to leave Yuta on hiw own. Although he doesn't voice it out, every second that passed hurts him to the core. Taeyong never showed up. 

 

"Maybe he won't come back there anymore after seeing you." Jaehyun tells him once they were on the taxi heading back to school. 

 

"I know he wants to see me too." Yuta muttered under his breath. 

 

"Why are you so confident about this?" Doyoung hissed. 

 

"He named his son Shiho." Yuta answers quick. 

 

"He what? He did?"

 

"He did?" Jaehyun raised an eyebrow. "You've been telling us you want to name your child that ever since gradeschool." 

 

"I bet he thinks about me every time he looks at his son." 

 

Usually, Doyoung would retaliate but after hearing that, it died on his throat. 

 

 

 

 

Taeyong couldn't sleep that night. The image of Yuta when he met him today, and the words that left his mouth before they part, plays continously in his head. Should he leave this place? He figured it wouldn't be easy as much as he wants to get away from Yuta. He has his job here, and it's near Joohyun's university. 

 

He's certain Yuta wouldn't stop coming back to him again and again. He grits his teeth at the thought. If he shove Yuta away more than he did, then maybe he'd stop. Taeyong needs to be strong, for Shiho, for Joohyun and for himself. 

 

"You're not taking Shiho to the play ground today?" Joohyun asked when she saw her husband and son playing with toys on the mat in their living room. 

 

"Ah, no. It's too hot outside, it won't be good for Shiho's skin." 

 

"You have huge bags under your eyes, Tae. Are you sick? You don't feel well?" Joohyun asked, using the back of her hands to check the temperature of Taeyong's forehead. 

 

"Don't worry, love. I just woke up a little too early." Taeyong says, he took her hand and kiss it.

 

"Are you sure?" Joohyun ask, holding his hand in return. 

 

"Yes." 

 

"Papa! Mama!" Shiho called, reaching out his hands to them. 

 

"Someone's jealous." Taeyong laughed, picking Shiho up and pulling the three of them for a group hug. But Shiho squirmed and hug Joohyun, asking to be carried by her.

 

 

Failing grades could easily be taken care of, even his scholarship, he'd risk it all for Taeyong. Hansol wouldn't quit scolding him about skipping classes, and Yuta is just waiting for him to give up because he isn't having any of it. 

 

When Taeyong left him three years ago, Yuta mustered up all his strength and try to put him out of his mind. It's way too funny thinking he could even do that. But through time he convinced everyone, and even himself, that he did forget Taeyong. 

 

"Where are you going again?" Winwin asked Yuta when they met at the school's restroom. 

 

"To my future." 

 

Winwin fakes a gag. "Hyung, you should learn how to quit." 

 

"Not this time."

 

He found himself coming back to play ground, in hopes to see Taeyong. Each day of failing to find him, it pains Yuta. But each day, Yuta comes there full of hope. It went on for two weeks, until Doyoung took back what he said and told Yuta to give up too. But that only made him more determined. Until one day as he walks around the park near the playground, there he saw Taeyong standing a few feet away from him. 

 

Yuta hid behind a tree when he saw Joohyun carrying Shiho appeared in sight. It was like a reflex that his hands clenched to fist on seeing them together. Years had passed, and it's the same bulk of jealousy that kills him every time. 

 

He could hear them talk. They were laughing and Taeyong looks happy, but Yuta choose to believe that he isn't. He watches the way Taeyong looks at Joohyun and Shiho, he looks very fond, but Yuta doesn't want to believe it. 

 

 

 

 

"Do you hate papa that much?" Taeyong asked Shiho who wouldn't stop crying when Joohyun told him she's leaving for university.

 

Shiho laughed at the funny face Taeyong made and kissed him on the lips. "I love papa." 

 

"I love you more." Taeyong chuckled, pulling closer to kiss Shiho but he kissed Joohyun on the cheek instead. He was surprised when his son squeaked and slap him on the face in return. 

 

"Oh my god Shiho." Joohyun gasped, hands reaching on Taeyong's face where he slapped him. "Are you okay?" 

 

"Shiho is so strong. And hates papa so much." Taeyong laughed when his son pouted when Shiho thought he's going to be scolded. "Now come to papa, the taxi is here." 

 

Shiho cries again when Joohyun kiss her goodbye to ride the taxi. "Mama! Mama!" He wouldn't stop whining, pointing at the car that was leaving in sight. 

 

"Mama will be back later, don't cry. " Taeyong hushed him. "Do you want ice cream?" 

 

Upon hearing it, Shiho's eyes lit up. He wipes his tears first, before looking at Taeyong and nodding enthusiastically making his father laugh. 

 

"Okay, papa will buy you ice cream if you give me a kiss." 

 

Shiho chuckled, kissing Taeyong multiple times on the cheek. "Ice cream! Ice cream!" He cheers, clapping his hands. 

 

 

"Taeyong." Yuta called, approaching them.

 

Taeyong stares at him for a few seconds before turning around to switching direction. 

 

"Taeyong please." Yuta begs, hands grasping right on Taeyong's arms.

 

"What do you want?" 

 

"I just want to talk--" 

 

"There's nothing to talk about. What can I do to make you stop?" Taeyong asked, his tone very serious and he pulls away from Yuta. 

 

"I..... Please.... just this once, I want to talk to you. Please." Yuta pleads, his lips trembling. He's so desperate on not wanting to let him go. 

 

"And after we talk, you will stop, right?" Taeyong turned to face Yuta. His expression dark. "You will leave me alone?" 

 

There was nothing else in Yuta's head because Taeyong is talking to him now. He was nodding like crazy. 

 

"Speak now." 

 

"I---I...." It's like Yuta's tongue was tied on wrong occasions. But when Shiho cried, he had an idea. "Let's go to the ice cream shop first."

 

Yuta sits there feeling edgy. He watches Taeyong on the opposite table taking care of Shiho. The young one keeps on calling Taeyong "papa". And even that makes Yuta hurt. 

 

"Shiho...." Yuta says, making the child look up at him. "He's so handsome. He looks so much like you." 

 

Taeyong muttered a thanks, wiping the chocolate off Shiho's cheek with tissues. "What do you want to tell me?" 

 

"I still love you." Yuta says flat. 

 

Taeyong looks at him, both surprise and worried. "T---that's not necessary."

 

Yuta rested him palm on top of Taeyong's hand on the table. The latter pulled away, but Yuta holds his hand tighter. "Tell me you love me too." 

 

"S--stop it, Yuta." Taeyong pulled his hand, making Shiho look at him after he finished ice cream. "Everything has changed now. I have Shiho. I have Joohyun." 

 

"But you only like her, you love me." 

 

That had Taeyong standing up. Shiho looks up at him confused when his father was moving fast on taking off his bib.

 

"Tell me you don't love me anymore. I'll stop." 

 

Taeyong stops his actions, eyes never leaving the floor. It was taking time for him to answer, and Yuta knows why, but he still waits. 

 

"I don't love you anymore." He says after a minute or two, lifting Shiho up and picking his backpack from the chair. Taeyong is not looking at Yuta. 

 

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't." Yuta said, eyes staring at Taeyong. 

 

"Y--Yuta just stop! Don't come near me again!" Taeyong screamed, making everyone in the ice cream shop look at them. He sprints to the door with Shiho, leaving Yuta alone. 

 

Yuta didn't follow him. His heart racing fast at the conversation they just had. Today, he grasped Taeyong's emotions. He caught him off-guard and saw right through him. All those repelling only stimulates Yuta's craving for Taeyong. And he will chase chase him until he's back to his arms again.


	3. 3.

"Yu..........ta! Yuta! Yuta!"

 

Joohyun looks at Shiho who was playing with a toy car in his crib. "Where did you hear that name from?"

 

 

 

 

"See? He still loves me! Because if he doesn't, he could've said no right away!" Yuta says dramatically, hands clasped at the back of his head. The board eraser is long forgotten at the desk.

 

"Hyung," Jaehyun who was sweeping the classroom floor sat up straight. "If Hansol hyung finds out I'm helping you with the detention, he'd kill me. And now we're even talking about that. I'm double dead meat."

 

"Also, his smiles and laughs are the brightest when he's with me. I bet she can't even make funny jokes."

 

"I really don't know how to respond to that."Jaehyun sighed in defeat.

 

"Does she even know Guns and Roses? I bet they don't even talk about anime. Or watch Sponge Bob together, hell she's embarrassing." Yuta said, shaking his head and picking up the forgotten eraser to clean the board.

 

Jaehyun made a funny noise in response.

 

"Is she even good in be---"

 

"Stop. Stop." Jaehyun hissed. "Don't talk about that."

 

Yuta snorts. "See? I'm so much better."

 

"Why are you even listening to him, Jae?" Ten entered the room and sat on the desk.

 

"I don't even know, honestly." Jaehyun responds. "Know what, he talked to Taeyong hyung. Guess what happened?"

 

"Pffft, of course I know what happened." Ten rolled his eyes. "Where does he live now? As much as I want to see him, I can't forget what he told us back then. I still think he owe us an apology."

 

"He doesn't owe you anything, Ten!" Yuta chides. "And he only said that becuase he was angry. Didn't you know that we say things we don't mean when we're angry? God, you're obviously not smart."

 

Ten watches as Yuta exits the door, offended by what the older says. "Yeah? I bet that mouth of yours is going to be the reason why he would leave you again!"

 

Yuta reappears from the door, index finger pointing to his lips. "This? That you tried kissing in pre-school? You're right, let me find out where he lives. Goodbye dickhead."

 

Ten looks at Jaehyun, confused. "I tried kissing him in pre-school?"

 

Jaehyun shrugs. "You tried kissing him in pre-school? And you gave him an idea, nice."

 

 

 

 

Shiho is sleeping on Joohyun's arms as the three of them wait at the station for Taeyong's bus to work.

 

"Can I ask you something?"

 

Taeyong hummed, "Sure what is it?"

 

"Shiho....he..... Tae, there's your bus. Take care." Joohyun smiles weakly at him.

 

Smiling, Taeyong pecks her on the lips. "I love you, and you little one." He kisses Shiho on the forehead, waving goodbye as he climb up the vehicle .

 

His shift at the SUM Coffee Shop on weekends is on the afternoon, starting at 2 o'clock until eight at night. There aren't much customers since there are no classes. The shop's customers are mostly students from the high school nearby. Taeyong is at the cashier with Jungwoo, chitchatting and him occasionally wiping the counter and the tables as a habit.

 

The bell to the door chides and when Taeyong was about to greet the customer, it was Yuta looking at him. His hands literally quiver upon seeing his face. But Yuta walked passed him to the cashier and Taeyong watches them side eyes and he hears Jungwoo taking his order. He pretends to busy himself wiping the tables.

 

When he heard footsteps from the counter, Taeyong quickly finished what he was doing and heads back to Jungwoo. Focusing his mind on his work rather than the feeling of Yuta's eyes on him.

 

"You're so cold, hyung. Are you okay?" Jungwoo asked when they're arms accidentally bunped into one another.

 

"D---do I?"

 

"Yeah..... Well, you can rest inside. It's not like there's many customers." Jungwoo says. "I'll bring this order to the customer."

 

"It's nothing." Taeyong says, giving him a reassuring smile.

 

"By the way, hyung. When is Shiho visiting again? I haven't seen him in awhile."

 

"Oh." Taeyong playfully slaps him in the arm. "You only want to see my wife."

 

Jungwoo groaned. "Do I have to be as handsome as you to have a beautiful wife like her?"

 

Taeyong reminds him all over to not think about marrying at young age and finish his studies first.

 

Maybe someday if he's earning enough and have a stable job, he can ask Joohyun to marry him.

 

His laughter died down when he accidentally glance at Yuta's table, he's still staring at him. Knowing how stubborn the younger is, he won't leave unless he gets what he wants. Yuta will probably demands to talk to him again. Taeyong can't work all day being stared at.

 

Exhaling loud, Taeyong makes his way out of the counter. He walks to restroom of the coffee shop, knowing Yuta is going to follow him. He'll just tell him off like he always does anyway. Just as he turned off the faucet after washing his hands, Yuta burst in the door.

 

"Only the two of us in one room, really." He was quick on grasping at Taeyong's arms, kissing the older on the nape.

 

"Y--Yuta."

 

Taeyong's back hits hard on the wall when Yuta turned him around and pushed him to the side. Yuta wrapped his arms around Taeyong's waist and kiss him on the lips. It was all too fast and Taeyong moaned to it when Yuta licks the inside of his mouth. It still feel all familiar, Yuta's warmth as his tongue dances against Taeyong's.

 

He moaned again when Yuta started grinding his hips on his, sucking hungrily on his tongue and one hand moving down Taeyong's belly.

 

"Ah--ah! Yuta, stop! Stop!" Taeyong whinced when Yuta bit his bottom lip, he pulled away and pushed the younger on the chest. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, he looks up at Yuta who was panting loud and looking at him.

 

"I--I'm sorry." Yuta muttered.

 

"How did you find out I work here?"

 

"I--I asked a woman on the playground were you where. He said you work here, so I.."

 

"I thought I was clear when I told you to leave me alone?" Taeyong berates, hands clenched onto fist.

 

"T--Taeyong, I love you. Runaway with me. Let's leave."

 

"Yuta, stop." Taeyong closed his eyes in frustration. Hands clutching at the back of his head. "Please...just go."

 

"If you change your mind, message me, call me." It breaks Yuta's heart watching Taeyong like this. He reach out to his back pocket, pulling out a card that he slip in the pocket of Taeyong's uniform. For the last time, he kisses Taeyong on the forehead. "I put my address there too. You can come to me any time.I love you...so much."

 

Taeyong falls limply on the floor as he hears Yuta's footsteps fade. His head along with his chest pound like crazy. This isn't how he expect the way Yuta will break into his walls again. It shouldn't be this hard to push him away, but Taeyong's heart says otherwise.

 

When he got home, Taeyong has yet to come down from his daze in earlier's commotion. He still couldn't believe it all happened. He wanted to whack himself for how easily he gives in to Yuta. It was all a mistake. In the first place, he shouldn't have done anything with him. But Taeyong is always too easy for Yuta.

 

Taeyong thought his wife is already sleeping when he lie in bed. But Joohyun shifts, wrapping one hand around his waist. Her hand was cold.

 

"Is something the matter?" She asked.

 

Taeyong turn around to face her. He guesses she could see right through him but it's not something he could tell Joohyun so simply.

 

"Why do you ask?"

 

Joohyun shakes her head. "Goodnight, I love you."

 

"I love you...... too."

 

 

 

What Yuta gets from Hansol, his roommate, is pesky cold treatment. They've argue about it multiple times. Hansol insisting he's shamelessly at fault for still pursuing Taeyong, and Yuta backs himself up with Hansol simply not understanding his feelings. The last argument they had was when the older scolded him for going to Taeyong's work that he overheard Yuta telling Jaehyun. It was a long argument that Taeil and Johnny from the neighbor rooms had to interfere. Yuta ended the wrangle by telling Hansol to put himself into his shoes. He walked out on them.

 

It's not that Hansol completely left him alone, he's still there to gave Yuta reminders on a daily basis but not as wordy anymore. Taeil gave up on him claiming he doesn't listen to anyone. Johnny is the one who talks to Yuta all the time.

 

"So you want him to leave his son and his wife for you?" Johnny asked.

 

Yuta was taken aback at the question, he stared at Johnny blankly. His fingers fiddling with the chopsticks.

 

When Yuta failed to answer in seconds, Johnny clapped his hands. "See! You're thinking! I'm surprised. So you actually use that head of yours?"

 

Yuta made a face. Swallowing the whole egg on his soup. He choked on it and Johnny just watch him ridiculously. .

 

"You care about Shiho. He is like your nephew---"

 

Yuta squirmed in his seat. "Don't just say that! I can't accept that!"

 

"Uncle Yuta. Uncle Yuta." Johnny mocks, rolling his eyes by the way Yuta is writhing every time he says it.

 

"Stop!" Yuta groaned.

 

"I'm serious with what I said, though." Johnny discussed, making Yuta look at him. "Imagine what will happen to Shiho, and how Joohyun noona would feel if Taeyong will leave them because of you. You can't just say you don't give a fuck about that. Unless you're really a heartless asshole. None of us will tolerate that "

 

Yuta has so much to say in return if Johnny didn't look so serious. Then maybe, he really is a heartless asshole like what Johnny said. Because even if it means losing his friends and being hated by them, he could leave everything behind for Taeyong.

 

"If you want to keep in touch with him and be friends, help him or something, then ask him if you can do that. And if it's fine with him to see us too, that'd be nice. We all can help Taeyong." Johnny suggests.

 

Yuta hummed in response so Johnny would think he's considering it.

 

"But if he said you can't, then you can't."

 

Yuta makes a noise of disapproval. "Listen here, hyung. He could be pushing me away, but I know he don't mean it."

 

"How are you so sure about that?" Johnny questions, furrowing his brows.

 

"I just...." He bit his lip. Finding the right words to his defense.

 

"See? You're just being unreasonable. I guess you're the only one who can't move on here, Yuta." Johnny remarks, leaning his arms on the table. "Were you even boyfriends before?"

 

"We were more than that." Yuta muttered. Fingers playing with the lid of his drink. It's difficult to explain and for everyone to understand, what him and Taeyong had before. It wasn't just infatuation and a phase like what their friends call it, Yuta is sure it's love. Something so real and ideal.

 

If it wasn't too melodramatic, he'd tell the whole schmear for Johnny to believe. How the beating of his heart for Taeyong remained unchanged. Or how he knows Taeyong still feel the same for him every time their eyes would meet. The way Taeyong kisses him back so passionately as if he wants to tell Yuta that he still belongs to him.

 

"Hansol just don't want you to regret whatever it is you're pulling yourself into." Johnny tells Yuta.

 

Nodding, Yuta let's Johnny pats him on the head. The taller use his nails to scratch on his scalp, as if to ask Yuta if he understood and the latter nods again.

 

When he was walking back to class, he saw Doyoung coming out of the classroom. The younger keeps squirming when he held him at the back of the collar and took him to the restroom.

 

"What the hell---"

 

"I haven't told anyone this but we kissed."

 

"What? Who?" Doyoung asked, intrigued.

 

"Taeyong."

 

"Huh?!" Doyoung exclaimed. "But how? You sure you aren't just imagining it?"

 

Yuta pressed his lips together. "You want the details?"

 

"No!" Doyoung shrieked. "But...holy... Did you talk?"

 

Yuta shook his head sadly. "He asked me to leave."

 

"Then it's ove---"

 

"He kissed me back."

 

"He did?"

 

"Yeah. He even moa--"

 

"Then stop bothering him from now on." Doyoung says.

 

"What? But didn't you say fight for someone you love?!" Yuta questions. It always makes him frustrated every time someone tells him to quit it all. He thought Doyoung was on his side.

 

Doyoung thought Taeyong will adhere to his facade of denying and sending him away. He didn't expect he would submit to Yuta's wants so easily. It threw him to a panic and suddenly regrets why he even agreed to Yuta before. It all turned out suddenly serious. He's not afraid that Yuta will break his heart again, but rather, for Taeyong's family.

 

"Hyung, there's a limit to everything."

 

"Why are you suddenly against me now?!" Yuta groaned. "Did Hansol hyung talk to ---"

 

"His son. Shiho. And his wife. They don't deserve to be abandoned by Taeyong for you."

 

Gritting his teeth in agony, Yuta looks at Doyoung and points to himself. "And you think I deserved it when he abandoned me before?"

 

"Hyung, they're not the same with ---"

 

"And how are they different from me? Am I not.....worthy?" He questions.

 

"It's not that you aren't worthy, hyung." Doyoung answers. "I'm sure you are someone very important to him. But looking at the situation now, do you think your love for him is still necessary?"

 

Of course it will always be necessary, he wants to tell Doyoung who's walking out the room. I'm all he needs and not anybody else. I'm the only one who can make him happy. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Taeyong."

 

Taeyong only pulled out of his trance when Shiho bit his hand. Fingers pointing to Joohyun standing in the door frame.

 

"You're spacing out." Joohyun tells him, she's holding a small box, showing it to Taeyong. "Is this for you?"

 

"For me?" Taeyong stood up and walk towards her. "Who does it say it's from? What's inside it?"

 

Shrugging, Joohyun opened the purple box. It was a small paper folded into an airplane. "A letter?" She murmured, unfolding the paper. There was something written on it, short but she couldn't decipher since it's written in unfamiliar characters. "I can't read it."

 

Taeyong took the paper from Joohyun. His face feels hot and his limbs started shaking upon seeing the words "I still love you." written in Japanese characters. He took the box from her, folding the paper and putting it back to the box.

 

"I can't read it too." He says. "Maybe they put it in the wrong mail. I'll leave it outside in case the mailman comes back for it."

 

He can't be mistaken who those handwriting belongs too. Besides, nobody else but Yuta would be pulling stunts like this. First, his work place and now Yuta found his house. He knows Yuta is stubborn like this. But none of this is funny and he want it all to stop. Taeyong crumpled the box in his hand and threw it in the trash bin outside.

 

When he gets back on their room, Joohyun was dressing Shiho up. He looks at her with a questioning looks and she returned it.

 

"We're going to the bazaar today? Did you forget?"

 

Taeyong made an 'o' face, muttering and apology and taking a quick shower.

 

It wasn't crowded in the morning as it is at night, Joohyun told him. There were only few visitors and some shops were even closed. The first thing they find is the lane of foods and Shiho was so happy about the ice cream. He smiles dearly at Joohyun who looks very excited trying out all the seafoods and cupcakes. They entered a shop that sells various clothes. When they finished buying a few clothes for Shiho, Taeyong insists for Joohyun to try out a dress.

 

"But I hate wearing them. I look awkward" Joohyun said. Taeyong wasn't going to have of it, she realized soon. Feeling concious and shyly walking out the dressing room.

 

Taeyong looks at her fondly. Joohyun is beautiful as always, but it's a different level when she wear dresses. The pink color of the dress matches her white skin and brown hair so well that Taeyong thinks he's in love again.

 

"You're so beautiful." Taeyong tells her. "We're going to buy this but you can't wear it outside. I'm the only one allowed to see you in this."

 

Joohyun huffed and slapped him on the arm, chuckling. "I hate you."

 

"I love you two."

 

Shiho squirmed on Taeyong's arms, reaching out to give Joohyun a kiss.

 

"He's jealous again."

 

When they went to visit more shops, Taeyong found a booth that sell figurines and merchandise of anime. He was so excited explaining everything to Shiho and Joohyun who's only laughing at him calling him a kid.

 

"That's just waste of money." Joohyun laughed.

 

Walking around, they found a fountain in the middle. It was huge and surrounded by fences decorated with ribbons and lights. They took pictures together and they laugh as Shiho started posing for the camera too.

 

"Where did my baby learn how to act cute?" Taeyong says, poking his cheek.

 

Shiho cackled, clapping his hands. "Papa! Mama! I love you!" He says repeatedly.

 

"Say papa. You learned it from papa." Joohyun instructs Shiho. "Because papa is cute."

 

"Papa! Cute papa!" Shiho says and laugh again.

 

"When was I cute?" Taeyong asked and laughed along with them.

 

He gets giddy like this every time the three of them go out together that's why they make sure to take Shiho somewhere at least twice in a month. Mostly on Sundays when Joohyun don't have classes and Taeyong's rest day from the coffee shop. And it makes Joohyun and Taeyong just as happy.

 

They stayed like that for awhile, laughing and Shiho casually kissing and hugging them. Somehow, Taeyong has forgotten all his worries. But it didn't went on for long when Taeyong unwittingly glanced around and he saw a glimpse of someone seemingly familiar from a distance, wearing all black and a hoodie. Taeyong didn't have to guess who it was.

 

"What's wrong?" Joohyun asked when he noticed the sudden change of Taeyong's mood.

 

"I...Let's go home. I think it's going to rain."


	4. 4.

warning : smut

 

 

\------------

 

 

 

"Are you with Yuta?" Hansol yelled at Johnny on the phone. "I think he's gone since 10 am. It's 2 o'clock now."

 

"Oh, didn't he tell you? We're here at school playing basketball with Jaemin and Jeno."

 

"I thought he went somewhere."

 

"I took him out to play so he wouldn't." Johnny tells him.

 

"Make sure he doesn't go anywhere."

 

"No. Actually we just ate. He's playing with the babies now."

 

"Alright, alright."

 

"You called me for that?"

 

"Yeah. I was worried."

 

"Of course you are." Johnny laughed. "Okay, bye."

 

Johnny run to the them playing at the court. Using his height and strong build to easily steal the ball from Yuta making a three point shot. The younger glares at him.

 

"Who called you?"

 

"Is Ten hyung coming?" Jeno asked, picking the ball.

 

"He just texted. Can't come."

 

"Oh. Can Minhyung come?" Jaemin asked, fixing Jeno's shoelace.

 

"Who's Minhyung?" Yuta asked.

 

"You don't know?!" Jeno gasped.

 

"Mark." Jaemin answered.

 

"Oh."

 

"I think Mark is at the mall with Haechan and Ten joined them. Ten likes to ditch us." Johnny snorts.

 

"He just doesn't want to play with me." Yuta tells him.

 

Jeno laughed. "Jisung is afraid of Yuta hyung too."

 

"Am I too handsome and intimidating ?"

 

"No, just scary." Johnny replied. "Let's grab a bite I'm so hungry."

 

"Let's do that."

 

 

 

 

"Rain? Taeyong, the sun is up just fine." Joohyun tells him.

 

Taeyong thinks he's losing his head because the second time he looks around, it wasn't there anymore. But rather, a merchant lady in black wearing a hijab.

 

"Taeyong?"

 

Startled, he looks at Joohyun. Faking a laugh in his defense. "I--- I'm just joking."

 

She stares into Taeyong's eyes for a bit, studying his face. "But if you really want to go home now---"

 

"W--we should do that. I think Shiho needs to rest."

 

They reached back to their house at 2 o'clock and Shiho was fast asleep on the taxi. Taeyong carefully puts him down on his crib. He send a questioning look to Joohyun who's watching him from the door frame.

 

"You're spacing out all the time. I was worried you'd drop him."

 

Taeyong only responded by holding her hand and squeezing it. To tell her that it's never going to happen.

 

Joohyun was convinced, until the next day. There are so much in Taeyong's mind that somehow he lost focus on what he's doing. He mistook salt for sugar and put it on the chocolate porridge he cooked for Shiho. Shiho cried and started coughing at the way it must taste. Taeyong quickly went to grab water whilst Joohyun who just came home from an early schedule at her university run to his son, patting his back because Shiho wouldn't stop coughing.

 

Shiho cries after he drank the water, pointing at the porridge so Joohyun tried it out. It was an awful taste of salty and made her cough as well. 

"What is this? You put salt instead of sugar?"

 

"I---what?" Taeyong says, confused. He took a spoonful of the porridge and his face contorts at the taste.

 

"Taeyong, is this too much work for you now that you can't even do it right?!" She scolds, picking Shiho up from the chair. "Are you out of your mind?!"

 

"I-- I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

 

"Wasn't it just last night that you almost feed him with spoiled milk?" Joohyun scowled at him, hugging Shiho who's crying on her arms.

 

"Mama! Papa! Stop fighting!"

 

"It was an accident. I---"

 

"I don't think I can entrust you with Shiho anymore." Joohyun said, shaking her head in dismay.

 

That did hit a nerve. It rattles him to the core hearing that from Joohyun about Shiho. It's not like he wanted those things to happen, he loves Shiho and he didn't mean want him hurt. Mere accidents normally happens in a household but he thinks Joohyun is overreacting to it.

 

"Why would you tell me that? You don't need me here?"

 

"J---just please. Get a hold of yourseld!" Joohyun says, frustrated.

 

"I'm not needed?"

 

"Taeyong! Where are you going?! Taeyong?! Come back here!"

 

 

 

 

Yuta caught a cold. Yesterday after playing basketball with Johnny and the kids till afternoon, he was pulled by his football members for a game when they found him at school. He was sent home by the school nurse after complaining too much.Yuta asked Hansol to skip classes and just take care of him back in the dorms but the older only rolled his eyes at him. Ten was nice to give him a ride home by his car but he left right away.

 

When he checked the time, it's only 1 o'clock but classes ends at four meaning he had to be sick and alone for another three hours. He couldn't get himself to sleep too so he opts to playing Smash Hit on his phone. It was frustrating and he's tapping his screen loud. Hearing loud footsteps from the door, he quickly exit the game and took off his covers.

 

"See?! You're worrie---" the words died in his throat when he saw it wasn't Hansol that burst in the door.

 

Taeyong threw his mask, taking his hoodie off and climbing up on Yuta's bed, hovering above him. No words exchange and Taeyong just pressed his lips against him. And Yuta kisses them back. The sound of their lips clashing is obscene inside the quiet room. He shifts so he can lift Yuta's shirt off, pulling away from the kiss.

 

"This is what you want from me right? Then I'll give it to you. Just leave my family alone." Taeyong whispers on Yuta's lips

 

Yuta pulled away, confused.

 

"Don't follow us around." Taeyong says through gritted teeth, hands clapping Yuta's shirt tight. "We don't have much time. What time does Hansol comes back from---"

 

Yuta grins because Taeyong doesn't look one bit close to intimidating. He tapped his chin to make Taeyong look at him, thumb running along the bottom of Taeyong's lips. "Or you're the one who wanted this?"

 

Taeyong heaves a sigh, his eyes turned. away. He looks so weary and thin as Yuta's fingers slide down to outline his collar bones. He lets Yuta takes his shirt off. Hands slowly sliding down to his belly.

 

"Have you been eating well?" Yuta whispers. "She's not good enough for you, right?"

 

Taeyong shuts Yuta up by palming his restrained member. He kisses Yuta on the jaw, slowly reaching his lips down to his chest as his free hand works to unbutton Yuta's shorts.

 

Yuta helps Taeyong takes off his own pants. His breath hitching at the way Taeyong's lips slide down his lower abdomen. He gasped when Taeyong takes his hard on whole. Bobbing his head upside down slow to make Yuta moan. His hand pulls at Taeyong's hair as his knees gets weak under his ministrations.

 

Taeyong knows Yuta was close the way his legs are tensed on his hands so pulls away. Watching Yuta opens his eyes and smirks at him.

 

"Take your pants off." Yuta tells him.

 

"What if Han---"

 

"We have a few hours." Yuta says, watching Taeyong climb down on bed and takes his pants off. His mouth waters, seeing him naked again after a long while. He reaches on his desk for a pack of lube.

 

"You still keep those?" Taeyong says, climbing back to the bed beside Yuta. "Who do you use it with?"

 

"Why would you ask? Are you jealous?" Yuta asked, sitting up to let Taeyong shift in the middle. "Then do you know how I feel all these time thinking about you sleeping with her?"

 

Taeyong ignored his questions, opening his legs of for Yuta. He watches as Yuta coats his fingers with the lube, index finger prodding at his entrance. When Yuta pushed in, Taeyong gasped at the feeling. He hadn't felt this for awhile that it became unfamiliar.

 

"Fuck."

 

Yuta hears Taeyong moaned when he inserts another finger in, scissoring inside the heat. He finds Taeyong's prostate, making the older jerks his hips so he enters the third, rubbing the pad of his fingers over the sensitive bundle of nerves. He held Taeyong down to the hips to keep him still as he fucks him with his fingers gently. He bends his head low to bite at Taeyong's leg hard, making Taeyong gasp. He does it again on his other leg and Taeyong pulls at his hair to stop him.

 

"Do you want to turn around?" Yuta asked.

 

"No, I wanna see you."

 

Yuta likes his answer so he shifts on bed to kiss Taeyong on the lips but slowly this time, hands still working on his entrance.   
"I miss you so much." He whispers to his lips. He dips his head on in between Taeyong's neck and shoulder, waiting for a response but there wasn't any.

 

It hurts him, it makes him mad and jealous whenever Taeyong doesn't return his words. It's as if Taeyong wasn't even around him even if he's all splayed out and naked for Yuta. So he moves quickly, reaching out on the desk for the lube to coat his member. Yuta wants to feel Taeyong, he wants to hear him.

 

"Oh god. Yuta."Taeyong whispers shakily, grasping on the sheets when Yuta pushed inside him.

 

Yuta didn't let him adjust, pulling in and out of his heat slowly. Making Taeyong feel every inch of him. He keeps a normal pace, but occasionally fast so he could hear sounds coming out of Tayeong's mouth.

 

"Fuck, Yuta!" Taeyong moaned loud when Yuta pushed into him hard and bites onto his shoulder.

 

"Tell her I did that. Tell her you belong to me, and me only." Yuta tells Taeyong, pounding onto him hard and whispering to him how good he feels, how he is just made for Yuta only, and how much he loves him.

 

"Yuta..." Taeyong moaned his name, tears streaming down his closed eyes. From both pleasure and pain.

 

Yuta bends Taeyong knees up to his shoulders and this angle forced him further inside Taeyong. The sound of skin slapping against skin is becoming loud and Yuta fills him in completely hitting his prostate. He's close to his release and he's sure Taeyong is too from the way the older reaches down for his member, but Yuta stopped him.

 

"God. Yuta!" Taeyong moaned loud when Yuta spills inside him, riding out his orgasm inside Taeyong's heat.

 

Yuta didn't pull out of him, bending down to press his lips against Taeyong and whispers, "Turn around."

 

Taeyong complies when Yuta pulls out of him, only to be filled in again. He has yet to come down from his high but Yuta is pounding on him hard, making Taeyong arch his back. "What the f---Yuta!"

 

"I'll let you come like this." Yuta tells him, sucking on his nape.

 

Taeyong had lost count on how many times they've done it, until he's spilling over the sheet of Yuta's bed. No breather, and Yuta drags him to the rest room. They did it again twice until Taeyong begs Yuta to stop. "I--it hurts now."

 

"Yeah? You used to like it before." Yuta says, panting hard and pulling out of Taeyong.

 

They cleaned each other up and Yuta panicked when he saw the time. It was a quarter to 4 o'clock. "B--but, are you sure you don't want to stay?" Yuta asked the third time and Taeyong only shook his head in response.

 

Quickly, he helped Taeyong dress and the older was walking limply as they walk out the dorm. Making sure the hood of Taeyong's jacket covers him as they got down from the elevator. He joins Taeyong on the taxi ride to the bus station. No words were exchanged, but just Yuta holding Taeyong's hand firmly.

 

"Will you be alright?" Yuta asked as they wait for the bus.

 

Taeyong nods, pulling his hand away from Yuta's strong grip. It's like Yuta doesn't want to let him go from the way he holds him.

 

"I love you."

 

There's no such thing as too much for Yuta to say those three words. He'll never get tired to tell Taeyong how he feels even if Taeyong gets tired of hearing it. "Thank you." He hears Taeyong say and watch him climb up the bus, waving his hand at him but Taeyong wasn't even looking back.

 

 

 

 

 

Taeyong didn't go home right away after he seperates from Yuta. His body is still tense, he's exhausted and his back aches but he needed air to relax. He passed by a chapel, making his way to go inside but just as he was about to open the gates, he withdraws his hands. He commited a vast sin. He doesn't belong there.

 

Tears roll down his cheeks as the realization of what he'd done hits him hard. He cheated on his wife. Guilt eats him slow and he doesn't think he could face her anytime soon.

 

 

 

Yuta took a taxi back, running quickly to the stairs when the elevator was occupied. Hansol was already in their dorm room, fixing his shoes.

 

"Why is it messy all around here? And why does it smell weird?" Hansol mutters to himself.

 

Yuta reached out on his deck to pocket the empty wrappers of lube then walks to the window, opening it. "Problem solved?" He asked the older.

 

"I thought you were sick."

 

"I was."

 

 

 

 

It was night time when Taeyong decides to go home after he got tired of walking around and going nowhere. He was supposed to work until 6 o'clock today but he didn't make it there and rather he made out with Yuta.

 

He went straight to the shower to wash himself thoroughly. But no matter how much he scrubs at his skin, the bruises Yuta marked on him wouldn't left. No one should see him like this, dirty and disgusting.

 

Taeyong can feel his knees shaking as he walks closer to the bed he shares with Joohyun. He's sure she's only pretending to be asleep. He lie on his side of the bed, back facing her.

 

"I'm sorry about earlier." Joohyun says right away. "I don't mean what I said. Shiho needs you."

 

Taeyong bit as his lip. It should be him who's apologizing for betraying her. But Taeyong knows he wouldn't be forgiven so keeps his mouth tight shut.

 

"If there's anything that's bothering you, you can tell me. I'm here to help you, Taeyong. I love you."

 

But this time, Taeyong couldn't say it back. He buried his face on his palms, eyes are filled with shame and regret and he starts tearing up. When Joohyun wrapped her arms around him, he cries more. She should be pushing him away now and he doesn't deserve this sympathy from anyone. Especially not from Joohyun who he just stabbed in the back.


	5. 5.

Yuta just finished from his shower after a football practice when his phone starts buzzing. There were few missed calls and few messages. Yuta opened it and a smile crept up on his.

 

"Where are you going hyung? We're having a team dinner!"

 

"Maybe next time!" Yuta shouts back at Mark, bumping into his teammates ganged inside the gym to make his way to the door.

 

He didn't have time to wait for the bus so he took the taxi to SUM coffee shop. Taeyong sent him a message to wait for him outside and warned him not to go inside. So Yuta waits at the parking lot. When he got there, there was still a faint light from the clouds but now it got darker. He's been waiting for Taeyong for half an hour, casually peeking through the glass mirror of the coffee shop but he couldn't find Taeyong in sight.

 

 

Five more minutes, Taeyong was walking to him fast. Wearing his usual black hoodie and black jeans.

 

"What took you so lo---"

 

Taeyong didn't let Yuta finish and clash their lips together. Frail hands grasping tight on the sleeves on Yuta's shirt when he feels Yuta's arms snake around his waist.

 

Yuta lets Taeyong dominate the kiss and his hands travel along inside his shirt, cold fingers against Taeyong's skin. He pulled away for air, but Taeyong didn't let him. Pulling his face back with thin hands and kissing him hungrily, making Yuta moan.

 

"W--wait, do you want to do this here?" Yuta stepped back when Taeyong palmed his front and bit his bottom lip hard.

 

Taeyong was panting hard. He's looking away from Yuta and shook his head. His suggestive hands now back on the pocket of his hoodie.

 

"Give me that." Yuta says, reaching out to him.

 

Taeyong didn't get it at first but he lets Yuta takes it. Holding him tight.

 

"Are you hungry? Where do you wanna go?" Yuta asked, squeezing Taeyong's hand in his. Taeyong feels cold and he wants to change that.

 

"I'm hungry."

 

"We're talking about real food here, right?"

 

Taeyong hits him on the shoulder with his free hand, making Yuta chuckle. His heart raced fast when Yuta kisses the back of his palm of their entwined fingers.

 

Yuta takes him to a chicken restaurant nearby. He knows Taeyong enjoys sweetened food so he ordered honey glazed chicken for both of them. He smiled when he saw the delighted look on Taeyong's face when their orders were served on their table.

 

Taeyong eats in silence and Yuta watches him and he would casually say something. As much as Yuta wants to know what's inside Taeyong's head, he avoids asking him questions to keep the light atmosphere between them.

 

"Why are you not eating?" Taeyong asked.

 

Yuta lit up at the question. Although he still wishes Taeyong would look him on the face. Taeyong has been avoiding his gaze this whole time. He reaches out, thumb carefully touching the scar on Taeyong's face near his right eye.

 

"I enjoy looking at your beautiful face better." Yuta said that made Taeyong snort and chuckled slightly. It had him on cloud nine to see Taeyong smile again after a long time.

 

"You're still overdramatic." Taeyong says, taking a slice of chicken on his chopstick and leading it to Yuta's mouth.

 

"Why does yours taste better?" Yuta said after following.

 

"We ordered the same thing."

 

Taeyong chuckled again, making Yuta dumbfounded. He could live in this moment. Seeing Taeyong's face, his smile and hearing his laughter. He began eating his food when Taeyong tells him the second time.

 

 

The walk to the station was slow. Yuta never letting go of Taeyong's thin hands. It wasn't as cold from when he first held it. Also, Taeyong entertwined his fingers with his too. Momentarily squeezing Yuta's hand in return when he has something to say.

 

"Oh, the bus is here." Taeyong says.

 

"A--already?" Yuta stammers. "But I don't wanna let you go just yet."

 

He didn't expect to see Taeyong smiling that familiar smile of his. His eyes along with his nose crinkled, showing all his teeth. Yuta noticed the faint blush on his cheeks. He pecked Yuta on the lips.

 

"That's it?" Yuta demands. "I'm still hard down here."

 

Taeyong was startled that Yuta said those vulgar words out loud in public. He looked around and fortunately, no one seems to listen.

 

"Come with me."

 

Yuta pulled Taeyong inside a convenient store and drags him to the restroom. Blindly fumbling for the knob to lock the door, his lips never leaving Taeyong's. By the way Taeyong kisses him back, Yuta knows Taeyong wants this as much as he does.

 

No matter how much they do this, Yuta never felt satisfied. The more they do it, the more he craves for Taeyong's warmth. Taeyong's skin is like a drug, and Yuta is addicted. He will never get enough of Taeyong.

 

 

 

 

When Taeyong gets home, Joohyun was at the table eating her dinner. He greeted her and took a seat on the other side of the table. He was shifting uncomfortably, his back still hurts from his recent activity with Yuta. Joohyun was standing up and Taeyong knows she's going to prepare another meal but he stopped her.

 

"It's okay, I already ate. I'll just wait for you to finish."

 

Ate where? Joohyun wants to ask. But she only nods.

 

"Is Shiho sleeping already?" He asked.

 

Joohyun hummed in response. "He was waiting for you. I didn't call cos I know you're busy at work."

 

Taeyong swallowed the lump on his throat. Maybe he could get use to this. What Joohyun doesn't know wouldn't hurt her.

 

"Yeah, I was." Taeyong says. "Your exam is next week right? Did you study?"

 

Joohyun nods. "I study while I work at the library."

 

"You can do it. I know." Taeyong reaches out to Joohyun's hand. But unlike Yuta, she was cold.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yuta went home to an empty dorm. He's sure there's no one on the next rooms too because there's no blasting of Bruno Mars music from Johnny's room, nor Taeil's nightly karaoke with Doyoung. He found a sticky note on his desk from Hansol telling him to come down to the dorm's dining hall.

 

The huge hall was crowded and he would've back down finding his friend's table already if Jaehyun didn't stood up on his seat and waves at him. He took a seat next to Ten who groaned, saying "God, why does Yuta hyung have to seat next to me. He's so unsanitary touching other's food."

 

"Actually I'm full." Yuta told him.

 

Doyoung laughed. "Why do you look high all the time?"

 

"What happened to your neck? Is your allergies back?" Hansol asked.

 

Yuta was startled at the question. One could simply guess they were hickeys and not allergies. They'd flip if they found out who it's from but none of them knew his secret rendezvous with Taeyong so he just shook his head, fixing his collar.

 

"I told you to shower after practice!" Hansol scolds, causing the others to laugh.

 

"I did! Why do you keep bullying me?" Yuta growled, flailing his arms.

 

"And how is that bullying?" Ten snorts beside him.

 

Yuta leaned at the table on his palm, looking at Ten. He brushed Ten's hair with his fingers to the back of his hears. Everyone starts teasing them but Ten is used to this and only ignoring him.

 

"Ten is so pretty. If you were this pretty in gradeschool I would've liked you back."

 

Their friends in the table starts cracking up, but Ten looks pissed, lightly punching Yuta on the chest. "Why the fuck do you keep thinking I like you?"

 

"Ow, that hurts mi love." Yuta teased more.

 

"I'll punch you on the face. Stupid childish asshole." Ten spits.

 

Jaehyun was laughing hard with Winwin, cheering "Kiss him! Kiss him!"

 

"Oh, maybe he likes you?" Taeil tells Ten.

 

Doyoung gasped. "Ah, that makes sense. Seem like a good idea. Why don't you guys date?"

 

"How nice do you think your opinion is? Rate from one to ten." Yuta retaliates.

 

"Ten." Doyoung counters.

 

"Whydon't you date him, Doyoung? Since you're the only one who can keep up with his bullshit." Ten mutters.

 

"I only know one person who can keep up with his bullshit." Taeil intrudes. "He left."

 

That tingles to Yuta's ears. A moment of silence surrounds their table. Nobody talks, but Yuta is staring at Taeil. He didn't deserve to hear that, not from his friend. Yuta stood up from his seat and walked out on them.

 

"Well that made him shut up." Taeil tells everyone.

 

"I feel bad for hyung." Jaehyun says, he's about to follow Yuta when Doyoung stopped him.

 

"Let him be. Let him mourn with his delusions."

 

"He's still so childish." Hansol tells them. "He never changed since pre-school."

 

Taeil nods. "It's impressive how tolerant Taeyong was. They were like joined at the hip for god knows how long. I can't even stand him longer than 3 minutes."

 

"But like you said, he left him." Johnny says.

 

"Well, sadly."

 

"I'm still worried about this." Hansol says seriously, making everyone look at him.

 

"About what, hyung?" Winwin asked.

 

"Yuta? Yeah, for sure he isn't going to stop. You should worry. Trying to win back his ex who already has a wife and a son." Johnny rolled his eyes.

 

Hansol looks at him. "How are you so sure that Taeyong doesn't love him anymore?"

 

"Well he had to." Taeil taunts. "Or else that'll be unfortunate."

 

"Can we talk to Taeyong hyung, then?" Jaehyun suggest.

 

"Like what? You're gonna bribe him to stay away from Yuta?" Doyoung hissed.

 

"I'm just really worried about Taeyong's son." Hansol palms his face.

 

"And his wife." Johnny adds. "If we can't stop Yuta from ruining their family, what kind of friends we are."

 

"Are we going to get blamed if something happened?" Taeil quipped.

 

"Well, at least let's do something?" Johnny tells him.

 

"Like what? Tie Yuta up? Send Taeyong and his family away? Geez. I'm out." Taeil rolled his eyes.

 

"I don't wanna put my hands on it either. Yuta is old enough to know what he's doing." Hansol tells them.

 

"Sounds like he doesn't." Doyoung comments.

 

"If Taeyong push him enough then it's over for Yuta. You're overthinking, Hansol." Taeil said.

 

 

 

 

 

"What it's like sleeping with a girl?" Yuta asked, a faint smile on his face.

 

Taeyong hmphed, pushing Yuta off above him. His limbs are weak from what they just did and he's still trying to catch his breath. Earlier, he left his house for work at 9 o'clock in the morning but ends up in a cold and dark hotel room with Yuta. He messaged the younger who accept his invitation without even asking why. When Taeyong met him in front of the hotel, Yuta was still wearing his uniform.

 

"I bet she can't satisfy you like this, huh?" Yuta whispers against Taeyong's ears.

 

"Yuta, stop. I'm drained." Taeyong groaned. He immediately regrets it when Yuta pulled away and the cold from the AC hits his skin. Quickly, he shifts to wrap his arms around Yuta, muttering "How am I going to hide the hickeys you left on my neck."

 

Snickering, Yuta hovers over Taeyong again, peppering his neck with kisses. Taeyong chuckled at this and it makes Yuta's heart flutter. It always feel good to know that Taeyong enjoys it too.

 

"That tickles."

 

Yuta faced Taeyong so he could hug the older, snaking his arms on his back. "What time are you supposed to be off work?"

 

"Four."

 

Yuta looked at the wall clock. "I still have two hours to cuddle with you."

 

"You don't seem like you only want to cuddle." Taeyong mocks.

 

Yuta pulls their foreheads together. He closed his eyes, arms wrapped protectively around Taeyong. "I love you." He whispers, tightening his hold on Taeyong. Because maybe if he does this, Taeyong could once again feel his heart and say it back. The way he would tell Yuta how much he loves him before, the way they used too. He clutched at Taeyong's hip, cold hands wandering on the expanse of Taeyong's back. He wants Taeyong this way, all exposed for him to see and touch. So close and warm for him to feel. Even if Taeyong leaves him hanging all these time, Yuta can wait.

 

 

 

 

 

Today was exhausting and Joohyun guesses she made a lot of mistakes on her exam. It won't hurt her grade that much but it will be unusual of her to get an exam grade that isn't above average.

 

Shiho should still be sleeping by now and she could use some time to loosen up. Ringing the door bell on her friend's house, Yongsun opened the door and greeted her in surprise. Joohyun entered the cramped house, Yongsun offering her a glass of juice and tissues because Joohyun just started tearing up when she sat on the couch beside her.

 

"What happened to you?" Yongsun asked, placing a hand on Joohyun's knees.

 

"He's cheating. I know he's cheating." Joohyun said through gritted teeth.

 

"Taeyong? Would be cheating on you?" Yongsun wheezed. "But with who?"

 

"I...I told you about this so-called friend...roommate.. of his before didn't I?" Joohyun says, wiping her tears that won't stop streaming down. Just thinking about it makes her stomach churns in pain.

 

Yongsun nods. "That stupid guy. Was it him? But are you sure?"

 

"I--I can't be wrong about them." Joohyun bit her bottom lip. Taeyong wouldn't just cheat on him with just anyone. "There's nobody else."

 

Yongsun heaves a sigh. She knows all these. She heard everything from her bestfriend, Joohyun, back when she was just three months pregnant with Shiho. "Do you love him now?"

 

"I....I guess." Joohyun hesitantly nods. Her face contorts and her voice cracked. Yongsun embraced her.

 

"And here I thought you wouldn't fall." Yongsun said, patting her back.

 

"I shouldn't have. I...wish I didn't. B--but he's so nice to me and Shiho. He treated us like we're all that matters." Joohyun choked in sobs.

 

"You always tell me how nice he is."

 

"You were right...back then, I should've just ran away from him."

 

"Well, you can do that now." Yongsun said, hugging her best friend tighter. "Take Shiho with you. Go home to your family."

 

It sounded so simple to do, but it's gonna hurt all of them. Joohyun wants to leave, but she's sure Shiho wouldn't want to. Shiho is too young to be broken, and he loves his father as much as Taeyong loves him.

 

"It's just....Shiho. I feel so bad for him." Joohyun says. She remembered how she thought of having an abortion before, when she found out she was two months pregnant, from Taeyong, from the lower year after a night of drinking. That was the night when her parents fought on her graduation that made her even thought of drinking, and then there was Taeyong who looks terribly handsome and sad. They know each other but only a little. And yet, all these happened.

 

Taeyong sounded so promising when he said he wouldn't let Joohyun face it all. And then one day, Taeyong just said he loves her. He was so sincere to give her assistance and to come to her aid that Joohyun was convinced by him. Taeyong was always there, and so they lived together when she was 6 months pregnant. Taeyong stopped going to school to work and together with Joohyun's parents, they helped each other. They were both so young and careless, but Taeyong acted so mature for his age to show Joohyun that he's capable. And somewhere behind Taeyong's promises, Joohyun fell in love.

 

Shiho became their everything. Inside a small house where their lives revolve around him. Joohyun would call it happy. But now, it's changing slowly right before her eyes and it hurts her more than it should.

 

"Talk to him about it." Yongsun tells her. "If you really need him for Shiho. Give him a chance, maybe."

 

"I'm scared of what he's going to say. Who he's going to choose. I'm scared that me and Shiho don't stand a ch--chance---" This time, Joohyun's tears become uncontrollable. She opened her mouth to say more but all that's coming out are painful sobs that tore through her chest.

 

"Joohyun." Yongsun cooed, rubbing comforting circles on Joohyun's back.

 

"I c--can't do that." Joohyun choked on her words, rocking back and forth on Yongsun's embrace.

 

"It will be okay."

 

 

 

 

 

A huge smile lingers on Taeyong's face when Yuta playfully tickles him on his sides. Yuta picked him up from his work and they ate dinner. They were waiting for a taxi and it seemed like it's going to rain.

 

"This is the time I'm going to say goodbye to you again. I hate this." Yuta tells Taeyong, backhugging him and the older leans to it.

 

"Are you serious?" Taeyong chuckled, fixing the hood of his jacket.

 

"Yeah." Yuta sighed, blowing air on his neck.

 

"You don't have to pick me up if you're tired from football practice."

 

"Eh..But it's the only time I get to see you. I want to see you everyday."

 

"We see each other everyday, little brat." Taeyong says, reaching up to pinch his cheek.

 

But for how long? Yuta wants to know. The moment Taeyong leaves his arms to get in the car, Yuta feels so empty and cold. He wants to pull Taeyong back and take him home but he doesn't want to risk what they have now for pulling off something that could be wrong and will make Taeyong push him away again.

 

"I love you." He mouthed when he sees Taeyong waving at him from the car window.


	6. 6.

"Joohyun noona!"

 

Surprised at the loud voice from the other line, Joohyun flinched. Shiho who was sitting at the play mat stared up at her with a questioning look. Joohyun shook her head and smiled at him and Shiho smiled back and returns with his singsong of the alphabets.

 

"Sorry it was Shiho."

 

"It's okay, noona." Jungwoo laughed from the other line. "I just called because I don't want to disturb Tae hyung and I'm very worried. Is he still sick?"

 

"S--sick?" Joohyun mumbled. Her grasp on the phone tightens. "Y--yeah. He's still sick."

 

"Hmm? That's terrible. Then noona, if he needs my help you can call me. Gotta go back to work now. Bye bye!"

 

"So fucking sick." Joohyun muttered almost inaudible when Jungwoo hanged up the call. She slumped on the couch, pressing her lips together. Forcing a smile back to Shiho who glanced on her.

 

"Papa! Mama! Love Shiho!"

 

Joohyun hears Shiho croons. With trembling legs, she stood to pick Shiho up from the play mat and embrace him tight. Hiding the tears steaming down her cheeks. But Shiho could hear her sobs.

 

"Mama? Why are you crying? Mama don't cry." Shiho cooes, wiping the tears off her mother's eyes.

 

"I'm not crying."

 

"Don't cry mama. Papa is not here. Shiho will make mama happy."

 

More tears fell down from Joohyun's eyes when Shiho hugs her neck, murmuring sweet words on her ears. She wishes Shiho didn't have to see her weak like this, but there's no one to turn to. Before it was all Taeyong she could rely on, but that can't be anymore if Taeyong is the subject of her misery.

 

It started the other day. Taeyong has since been going home late from work than the usual. On weekends, his shift were supposedly from 2 o'clock until eight but Taeyong comes back when Shiho is already fast asleep and Joohyun is ready for bed. Doing the laundry, Joohyun noticed that his uniform for work were unused too. And today her suspicion of Taeyong skipping work is proven when Jungwoo called. Taeyong left at 11 o'clock that day for work and an hour already passed after that.

 

The past days, Joohyun has been trying to turn a blind eye regarding on her intuitions of Taeyong. Unless she finds a proof, she makes herself believe that nothing is going on. But all this self convincing only hurts her guts. She wishes Shiho doesn't have to feel the same way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Where are you taking me?" Taeyong asked the nth time but lets Yuta pulls him inside the bus. "It's Monday and you're skipping school."

 

Yuta groaned making Taeyong seat by the window. "Is it gonna make a difference if I skip on Tuesday? Wednesday? Friday?" 

 

"You forgot Thursday."

 

In the midst of his yawn, Yuta laughed and place a chaste kiss on Taeyong's cheek. "Fine, smartass. I'm taking you to heaven."

 

"We aren't dying, aren't we?" Taeyong asked, intertwining his fingers with Yuta's cold ones.

 

"No. What are you saying." Yuta kisses the back of Taeyong's hand. "The strawberry farm?"

 

"Do you even know the way there?"

 

"This is why I'm taking you with me."

 

 

 

"Aren't you going to take strawberries home?" Yuta asked, holding the basket.

 

"No." Taeyong shook his head, one hand holding the huge umbrella for them and the other helping Yuta pick up the strawberries.

 

"I want to give these to you." Yuta tells him.

 

 

"It's okay. Take them to the dorms. Hansol likes strawberries."

 

"Yeah he does." Yuta nods. "He likes to scold me too."

 

"That's because you're so youthful." Taeyong says, raising his thumb to rub the frown off Yuta's forehead.

 

"You never scold me."

 

Taeyong looks at Yuta's sulken face. The face he used to stare at each time. Only now that he's becoming aware of the fact how much he misses his face, how much he misses Yuta. Trying to forget Yuta was just as painful as leaving him. In three years of being with Joohyun, and having Shiho, Taeyong had put Yuta out of his mind. But what he failed to abandon was his yearning towards him. And after all those years of not seeing his face, seeing Yuta again, still makes his heart flutter.

 

Taeyong was in love with Yuta, his childhood friend, his high school roommate, his favorite person in the world. It just happened one day that when Taeyong said he loves him, Yuta says he loves him too. From that day on, their relationship became intimate. Yuta is a paradise, and leaving his arms was the biggest thing Taeyong ever regretted in his life, and he still mourns about it.

 

"Stop staring, I know I'm hella stunning."

 

Taeyong was pulled out of his trance when speaks. They stood up and Yuta placed the basket down to fix the crease on Taeyong's collar.

 

"There, the most hella stunning." Yuta says, he picks up the basket again. It was half full of strawberries. "This is enough. I don't wanna pay much if it's for Hansol."

 

Laughing, Taeyong slapped him on the shoulder.

 

"Hyuuuuuuung. Today is tiring." Yuta yawned. "And boring."

 

"Eh." Taeyong hissed. "I know what you want."

 

Yuta plawfylly winked at him.

 

"Such a pervert." Taeyong heaved a sigh and walks ahead.

 

"Wait for me, dirty old man."

 

"What did you call m---" Taeyong was cut when Yuta pecks at his lips. He looks around the field. "Stop, there are kids around."

 

"I hate kids." Yuta groaned.

 

"You're a ki---"

 

Yuta cuts him by kissing him on the mouth again. A little longer this time. He sensed Taeyong was about to hit him so he quickly backs away, coaxing an annoyed Taeyong by taking his hand. There were restaurants nearby and Yuta took Taeyong to a Japanese restaurant. Before they head home, Yuta insists they pass by the candy corner because he knows Taeyong likes sweets.

 

"Buy lots." Yuta says when they stopped by the chocolate section.

 

"Why are you so generous. Do you have a job I do not know of, Mr. Nakamoto?" Taeyong queries, eyeing a chocolate bar.

 

"I only know one job and thats blo---" Yuta ouched when Taeyong elbowed him.

 

"Pervert."

 

"Well, just last year my scholarship was granted a hundred percent. They even give us allowance too." Yuta tells Taeyong. Reaching out for a pack of gummy worm on the shelf.

 

"You like this stuff?" Taeyong took the pack from him, studying it.

 

"No."

 

"Who's it for? And the strawberry candies you bought at the farm?"

 

Smiling, Yuta snakes his arms around Taeyong to backhug him. "Why do you wanna know? Are you jealous?"

 

"No." Taeyong laughed.

 

"So mean." He playfully but Taeyong's ear, causing the other to chuckle. "You're only getting that?"

 

Taeyong nods, stuffing only 2 bars of chocolate in hand and the pack of gummies that Yuta took.

 

"Why?"

 

"I've had enough of your sweetness today."

 

Yuta faked a groan but a chuckle can be heard when he pulled away from Taeyong. "Where did you learn that?"

 

Taeyong decides to call it a day when he noticed the time. It was a quarter to seven when they left the hotel room and they were still both so flushed from what they did. They took the bus back to his stop, hand in hand the whole ride. Yuta thinks Taeyong didn't want to let go of him too because he hugged Yuta before he climbs up the bus, waving at him until he's out of sight.

 

Yuta waits another five minutes for his bus to arrive. He slump down on his seat, a smile never leaving his face as he recall every bits of today with Taeyong. The mood was lighter than usual, it's like the same way how they hang out before. And Taeyong was all smiley today and even initiates holding Yuta's hand first. He feels so jittery and doesn't think he can sleep tonight. He fished out his phone, writing a short message for Taeyong:

 

Had so much fun with you today. I love you yongi

 

"Fuck." He gasped, making the other passengers in the bus look at him. But he couldn't careless. Not when he accidentally send his message to the wrong number.

 

 

 

 

Yuta clicked the elevator button a dozen times and run to his room. Quickly finding Hansol sweeping the floor.

 

"Where have you been it's-----"

 

Yuta shoved the bag of strawberry on his face, beaming at him.

 

"Oh, thank you." Hansol said softly. "But where did you--"

 

Yuta didn't let him finish. Running out the door and slamming it to proceed to his concern. Fortunately, the door wasn't lock and he run inside the room.

 

"Ten!"

 

"W--what?" Ten asked from his bed, startled.

 

"I......" Yuta shoved the paper bag on his chest, sitting on the bed and shaking Ten on the shoulders. "Please don't tell anybody, please."

 

"Oh, bribery." Ten snorts, checking what's inside the paper bag and his face enlightens. "Would've been worse if you sent it to somebody else. Just be glad I give no shit about you."

 

"Thanks." Yuta sighed. "You're like my favorite friend next to Taeyong."

 

"I'm guessing you haven't told anyone this? You're really meeting with him or just doing all these for the show?" Ten rolled his eyes. Opening the pack of gummies and shoving them into his mouth.

 

Yuta nods. "If I tell them, they'd flip. And Hansol hyung, he's probably going to collapse."

 

"So, you're like casual with each other now? Like friends or something?" Ten asked, looking at Yuta and the older made a face. "Or something. I see."

 

Yuta hummed in response, embarrassed.

 

"This is what the hyungs are concern about." Ten facepalmed.

 

"That's why I can't tell them."

 

"So basically, that's cheating?" Ten shook his head.

 

"It's not---"

 

"That's that." Ten hisses. "You're cheating. He's cheating. He has a wife and a son. And you're having sex with him. That's cheating."

 

Yuta groaned. "I just---"

 

"I think you've heard enough from everyone already." Ten continues.

 

"Actually, I don't listen to them."

 

"Well, obviously." Ten gives up. "But do you really want Taeyong to leave his wife and his son for you?"

 

It's always the question that leaves him blank and unresolved. Does he want Taeyong to be back to him? Yes. Even if it means Taeyong will have to leave his son and wife---- sadly, yes. But he couldn't voice it out. He waves the question off by telling Ten he needs to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

After checking Shiho on his room and giving him a kiss, Taeyong heads back to their room. Carefully, he lie down on his side of the bed. Startled, Joohyun was suddenly hovering above him and kissing him on the neck.

 

"J---Joohyun." He mumbled.

 

She hummed in response, pecking Taeyong on the mouth.

 

"I'm tired from work."

 

Taeyong was glad Joohyun got off her quickly. Even when the light in the room was off, the moonlight passing through the window still lit up the room. He's afraid Joohyun will see the marks on his body that weren't supposed to be there.

 

"Goodnight." Taeyong tells her.

 

 

The next morning was cold. Taeyong helps Joohyun in the kitchen to prepare breakfast. She hasn't ask why Taeyong went home late yesterday when he's supposedly to be home by 4 o'clock and he's waiting for it. He'll tell Joohyun he had an overtime at the shop.

 

"Shiho sleeps well when it's cold." Taeyong says, washing the vegetables.

 

Joohyun hummed in response, busy with frying the rice. She woke up earlier than Taeyong and is in the kitchen when he found her there and gave her a hand.

 

"Your exam results was yesterday right?" Taeyong ask and Joohyun nods. "And I'm sure you did well. Congratulations."

 

"Can I ask you something?" Joohyun askes.

 

 

"Of course, love." Taeyong chuckled at the formality.

 

 

"What would you do if you know someone is lying to you?"

 

Taeyong stopped what he was doing to face her. "Hmm, I guess you should talk to them about it. Why do you ask?"

 

"Taeyong." Joohyun saya and Taeyong looks back up at her. "Why are you lying to me?"


	7. 7.

warning: smut

 

 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

 

"Why are you lying to me?"

 

For the moment, Taeyong's eyes gazed at Joohyun who's staring back at him. Her tone was soft but demanding. Her eyes were dull and sad, rather angry. Taeyong didn't fail to notice that her hands were slightly clenched. Was that the question Taeyong thinks it is?

 

His throat went dry.

 

"Is it me? Did I do something? Or are you tired of me? And Shiho?" Joohyun asked again, almost a whisper.

 

Taeyong swallowed the lump on his throat hearing her voice. "J--Joohyun, I---"

 

Joohyun shook her head. "J--just tell me. Do you want to end all these? Do you?"

 

Sweat forms on Taeyong's forehead. He suddenly forgot how to speak while Joohyun looks so impatient waiting for an answer. It was all too soon for reality to crash over him. Taeyong couldn't look on Joohyun's eyes anymore. Guilt forms on his stomach, up to his throat and he couldn't say a word.

 

The severe of the moment died down a little when they were both startled at Shiho's crying. Their glance met for a second and Joohyun turned around to continue what she was doing. Taeyong saw her wiping her tears and took this as a cue to run to Shiho.

Taeyong runs to Shiho with wobbling foot. Picking him up from the big crib, Shiho started squirming and Taeyong almost dropped him.

 

"Papa, I'll walk." Shiho said and Taeyong absentmindedly nods, following him to the kitchen and help him up to the chair.

 

"Good morning, Shiho." Joohyun greets him, smiling in hopes to hide her swollen eyes.

 

"Good...Mama, why are you crying?" Shiho ask, a frown sits heavily on his face. "Mama?"

 

"I-- I'm not crying, Shiho. What do you want to ea---"

 

"Papa! Papa! Mama is crying!" Shiho stood up on top of his seat, hands gripping tight on Taeyong's shirt. "Papa!"

 

Taeyong anxiously glanced at Joohyun back to Shiho. Shiho looks at him with expectant eyes. Shiho wants him to comfort Joohyun but Taeyong is lost for words. Guilt is making his whole body freeze and he could feel his tears welling up. He placed a hand on top of Shiho's head, stroking his hair so Shiho wouldn't look up and see him cry. "I--I'm sorry."

 

"Papa!" Shiho called and wiggle his hand off his head. "Why?! Why?" He demands.

 

Taeyong covered his face with his free hand. Supressing his sobs. "I---m sorry." He choked on his words.

 

"Papa! Why are you crying too? Papa!" Shiho demands ,looking afraid. He supports himself on top the chair gripping onto Taeyong's shirt and shaking him. "Papa!"

 

Taeyong feels sick.

 

Joohyun walks to Shiho, breathing heavily but managed to stop herself from tearing up. He holds the kid, removing his grasp from Taeyong's shirt. "Go to work." She says. "Go to work. Now." She repeats. Lifting Shiho up to hug the poor boy.

 

Taeyong felt himself caught in a situation where his only option is to leave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Heaven is what it's like for Yuta at the feeling of Taeyong's heat sinking for down on his hard on. His cock twitches when he was fully inside and Taeyong clenches on purpose, making both of them moan.

 

Yuta placed Taeyong's hand on his chest for support, and Yuta held him on the waist. Biting his bottom lip in bliss as he urges Taeyong to move even when he know the older is still adjusting. Yuta insisted they try something new so they didn't use lube today and only Yuta's spit for prepping Taeyong. Taeyong was tight and hot around him. It's a huge difference from when they use lube for it being slippery and cold.

 

Taeyong moved his hips slow and Yuta can feel all his hotness in his hard cock, hands gripping Taeyong's waist tight. He raised up his hips and drops fast, making Yuta moan and the younger starts thrusting up to meet his pace.

 

"You're so good." Yuta mutters, palms sliding up and down Taeyong's legs. He pulls at Taeyong's hips to help him raise up and down faster and he can feel Taeyong's muscle tense.

 

The sensation was cut when Taeyong stopped moving and Yuta raised his hands up to Taeyong's face, wiping the beads of sweat off his forehead.

 

"It hurts." Taeyong muttered

 

"Want to stop?" Yuta asked. Brushing Taeyong's sweaty hair up.

 

"N--no just.." Taeyong whispered. From his hovering position, he lied down on Yuta's chest. Careful for Yuta's cock not to slip out of him. He clenches on Yuta's cock three times to let him know he doesn't want to stop yet and to hear the moans slipping out of the younger's mouth.

 

"F--fuck, Tae." Yuta groaned, hands wrapping around Taeyong's waist. He shifts on the bed and Taeyong was the one moaning now. "I remember the first time we had sex."

 

"That's long time ago." Taeyong exhales. Taking pleasure of Yuta's cock steadily buried in his hole.

 

"You were so scared you wanted to stop. You cried." Yuta laughed at the memory. a  
Although it was hard from this angle, he started thrusting his hips slow.

 

"T--thats because it hurts so much. I--fuck---thought I was going to rip." Taeyong moaned. "Yeah---like that. Faster!"

 

Yuta obliged, using the strength of his legs on the bed to fasten his pace and gripping Taeyong's waist tight. Enjoying the muffled moans of Taeyong on his chest. He slowed down again.

 

"You were such a pervert. Until now." Taeyong says, peppering Yuta's chest with kisses.

 

"But wasn't it you who won't stop insisting we have sex everyday?"

 

"Hey! I don't remember any---fuck. Yuta!" Taeyong moaned loud when Yuta grind hard on him. He's sure his hole is sore than ever after trying out this no lube sex.

 

"And you like to shower together. You love it when I wash your back."

 

Taeyong only listens. His breath hitching at the unsteady pace of Yuta's cock inside him.

 

"And even ask me to clean your ass so I could taste you. It's your favorite." Yuta chuckled.

 

Embarrassed, Taeyong buried his face on Yuta's chest.

 

"Hey, wanna do that?" Yuta suggested.

 

Taeyong didn't have to think twice and nodded. He sighed when Yuta slips out of him, letting the younger manhandle him so he's lying flat on the bed, facing downward. Yuta was quick on spreading his cheeks apart, licking a stripe to the cleft of his ass.

 

"It feels so good." Taeyong moaned.

 

Yuta slipped two fingers in, scissoring inside Taeyong's hole while licking his entrance.

 

Taeyong grips on the sheets when Yuta finally probed his tongue in Taeyong's hole, pushing it inside. He removed his fingers, pushing his tongue in and holding Taeyong's legs thats writhing beneath him.

 

"Yuta, more!" Taeyong begs, hands grasping on the sheets.

 

Yuta licks his his walls, moving languidly in and out of him. Tongue-fucking Taeyong makes him feel full of control against the other. He knows how Taeyong lost his mind when he gets this sensation. Yuta darts his tongue inside, deeper and faster in hopes to reach his bundle of nerves and Taeyong was a moaning mess beneath him.

 

"Y---Yuta, I'm going to come!" Right when Taeyong finish his sentence, he shoots his liquid on the bed and his legs feels sticky. Coming down from his high, he attempts to reach Yuta's head and drags his hands to his back. Yuta was still rimming him but it all became too ticklish due to his orgasm. "S--stop! Stop!"

 

Startled, Yuta quickly pulled away. Wiping the excess saliva on his mouth with the back on his hand. "I--I'm sorry."

 

"I want to sleep."

 

"Okay..."

 

 

 

 

 

Yuta jumps in surprise when his phone buzz and a Slipknot ringtone starts playing aloud. Jaemin is probably responsible for this. Yuta checks and an unkown number is flashing on the screen. Curious, he accepts the call.

 

"Yuta."

 

Yuta's brows furrowed at the way his name is called. The voice was of a girl and Yuta is sure he heard it before.

 

"Nakamoto Yuta."

 

This time, Yuta is sure who's talking from the other line. He fell silent. Is the situation now the way he thinks it is? With hesitant hands, his fingers slowly swipe through the screen to end the call. He stared blankly in the white tiles of the rest room's sink. The next second, a messaged popped up on his screen.

 

"I want to speak to you. Meet me at Tea House, @ 11 ."

 

He turned the faucet off. Wiping his hands on his back. If it wasn't Taeyong, there's nothing to talk with Joohyun about. He guesses Joohyun already found out about them. Though, Yuta doesn't see this as a threat but rather a challenge. He never get to tell Joohyun everything he wanted to and now is the chance.

 

Yuta carefully avoided for his friends to see him and sneak out their school. He didn't wait for the bus and took a taxi to get there fast. Fingers carefully fiddling with the keychain on his phone that's been there for so long. He was anxious. How would Joohyun approach him and what words might come out of his mouth.

 

As he entered the cafe, he let's out a loud sigh when he saw the familiar figure on the far side of the room. It's back turns against him. Shaking off his worry, Yuta made his way to Joohyun. Not minding to greet and took the seat opposite to hers.

 

"What is it you want to talk about?" Yuta asked, not looking on her face. Her presence alone makes his blood boil. It seems like the grudge he's holding didn't fade through time.

 

"Stop acting innocent." Joohyun says with stern voice. Eyes carefully watching Yuta. "I know what the two of you have been doing."

"Oh." Yuta faked a surprise. He looks at Joohyun's angelic face, but Yuta doesn't believe angels exist. "How unfortunate." He says sarcastic and watches as Joohyun's face contorts in annoyance.

 

"Leave him alone." Joohyun says intimidating, eyes never leaving Yuta.

 

"What makes you think I will listen to you?" Yuta asked, leaning on the table. "Who do you think you are?"   
AS

Irritated, Joohyun bit her cheeks. "I'm his wife."

 

"When we're together he doesn't call you that." Yuta mocks. He saw Joohyun clenched her hand into fist. "Also that doesn't make sense if I can make him moan louder than you do."

 

"You are basically a child."

 

"You're nothing but a pretty face. You can't make him happy at all." Yuta retorts.

 

"If you think he will choose you over me, then stop dreaming. That's never going to happen." Joohyun says, emphasizing the last sentence

 

"Aren't you being a little too delusional?" He huffed, a bitter smirk made it's way on Yuta's face. Leaning his elbows on the table.

 

"He loves Shiho. You can't steal him from us."

 

"Steal him ? From you?" Yuta asked impossibly, leaning back. "Did you forget? You took advantage of him being drunk and sleep with him even when you know he's dating someone! You stole him from me!"

 

"And what happened, after that Yuta? He chose me. Not you." Joohyun retaliates.

 

Yuta was taken at aback. It put him to silence. He couldn't avoid being hurt and sensitive about the damn past and it hits him like a lightning.

 

Joohyun stood up, fixing her bag. "You probably miss that time when he left you right? For me. Well, that was a blast. I see, you want that to happen again. I'll wait."

 

Fire shot out of his eyes as he watches Joohyun leaves. The reason why those words drastically tug on his heartstrings is because he's so afraid to lose Taeyong once again. That he will leave Yuta another time for Joohyun. He had no idea where he stand anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cold treatment is what Taeyong gets from Joohyun. She only talks to him when Shiho is around and wants to play with the two of them. However, Joohyun refuse to acknowledge him without the child's presence. She doesn't face him on the bed either. Joohyun doesn't want to bring up anything from their heated conversation, and same with Taeyong who doesn't know how he will explain it either. He can't come clean out of it. It was an indefensible mistake he shouldn't have commited. But nobody regrets from the start and now he had to live with the consequences.

 

Taeyong thinks he deserves this. Because even after their confrontation, he still chose to sleep with Yuta. Joohyun looks weak rather than angry and Taeyong couldn't stomach seeing her turn to this kind of person. Shiho may not understand it all, but Taeyong could see the worried look Shiho is sending the both of them.

 

It doesn't have to be this difficult. Taeyong doesn't want to see his family fall apart like this. He misses how they eat together, play together and laugh together. The way they were ideal and happy. It felt so unreal to see this gloomy atmosphere in their little home. Taeyong wants to believe that it's just a struggle. Joohyun and Shiho are the most important people in his life and he can't let them slip out of his hands. Taeyong knows they can fix this and he must do something about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yuta ponders whether or not Taeyong know about his confrontation with Joohyun the other day. They haven't spoken for two days since he's too occupied with football practice and Taeyong will sometimes left him a message that they can't meet because he'll be busy. So today, he decides to just meet him after work.

 

A frown was visible on Yuta's face, pulling the laces of his shoes and tying them finally. He's suddenly in bad terms with shoe laces. He stood up, brushing his hair with a comb in the mirror on top of his desk. Yuta always wants to look good for Taeyong.

 

"Yuta, why are you so vain?" Hansol asked.

 

"Do I look handsome like always?" Yuta responded, fixing his collar. Turning around to face Ten and Hansol who were sitting on the bed with their laptops.

 

"So-so." Hansol said. "Where do you always go anyways?"

 

Yuta glanced at Ten who's looking at him, relieved that the younger have been keeping his mouth shut about their previous talk.

 

"On a date?" Ten asked but sounds more like suggesting it.

 

"Yeah, you can call it that."

 

"But with who?" Hansol questions again.

 

"I'll tell you when I can tell you." Yuta says, pocketing his wallet.

 

"Goodluck with that." Ten waves him off.

 

Yuta waits on the parking lot outside Taeyong's work like the usual. Casually checking his phone for a reply and peeking on the glass wall. In a month that he started seeing Taeyong again, Yuta learned there are words that puts them into hitch so he restrained himself from saying those. But now, Yuta wants Taeyong to hear his heart. To reassure Taeyong that his feelings all these years remained the same.

 

Nervous, he stood there tapping his foot and staring on the ground. It's only been two days that he hasn't seen Taeyong but he misses him already. It's crazy how much Yuta aches for Taeyong's presence.

 

His eyes automatically lit up when he sees Taeyong walking towards him. Yuta scurried to meet him, hand wrapping around Taeyong and kissing him full on the lips. It was supposedly heavenly, if only Taeyong was kissing back.

 

"W--what's wrong?" Yuta pulled away.

 

Taeyong slightly pushed him on the chest to get Yuta off him. "S--stop." He mutters, unable to look him on the eye.

 

"Taeyong, what's going on?" Yuta asked, agitated. Always too sensitive on Taeyong's words and actions.

 

"I want to end this."

 

Yuta was stupefied. As though his whole world collapsed and like he is being torn apart to bits. He can't believe he will hear those words again. It hurts so bad.

 

"T--Taeyong what are you saying?" Yuta cooes, trying to move closer but Taeyong stepped back.

 

"Yuta just--stop. It's not working. I can't keep up with you like this anymore. I---" Taeyong exhales, his voice shaking.

 

"N--no. That can't be. It's just bad mood right? You're just in a bad mood?" Yuta proposes.

 

"I can't be with you anymore."

 

"Taeyong, what are you saying?" Yuta pleads. "T--that's not.... You love me too,don't you? I know you love me. You still do."

 

"I--I don't love you, Yuta. Not anymore."

 

"Taeyong, stop lying to yourself. Is it because of her? She told you to stay away from me? Don't listen to her. Taeyong, please... " Yuta begs. His minds wavering of the words coming out of Taeyong's mouth.

 

"No, Yuta." Taeyong bit his lip. "You stop lying to yourself. I don't love you anymore. I only used you because I needed someone to comfort me. So I..."

 

"Lies! Liar! You're lying!" Yuta scowled.

 

"I'm not lying!" Taeyong bites back. "You're still so fucking naive and I'm tired of you! What is it you can do for me? When you're still so childish and you couldn't even take care yourself!"

 

"Taeyong, I...I don't understand."

 

"Because you're still so stupid and you never changed! This is why I get tired of you easily!"

 

"S--stop saying that." Yuta sobbed. Tears forming in his eyes.

 

"I mean it." Taeyong raises his voice. "When you said I used you because you're friends with Joohyun's friends. You were right. Thanks to you. We're together now."

 

That had him stepping back, eyes growing big as he stare at Taeyong. Yuta's mind fogged up with the memories. His lips quiver and tears stream down his cheeks. His throat is tight from uttering a word. Three years ago, this was the same damn subject that put them to an end.He'd call Taeyong a liar, but for it to actually come out of Taeyong's mouth, and admitting it on Yuta's face.....then maybe somehow.... it was true.

 

That night, they fought about the same thing. It riled him off when Taeyong was non-stop blabbering about the school's popular girl, Joohyun. Yuta admits to find her pretty too, but Taeyong was conspicuous about it. Yuta let it all slip for a long time, but he was jealous all along and there's a limit to it. Yuta calmly confronts him about it but Taeyong kept on denying and even turn the conversation around and called him paranoid. Yuta erupted and it ended up in a heated argument that Taeyong walked out on him.

 

But Yuta was so scared to lose Taeyong so he looked for him everywhere. And the next day, Taeyong came home to him telling Yuta that he wanted to end everything, that he's tired of him. That he doesn't love Yuta. And it was all too familiar, Taeyong pushing him away and uttering the same words. Yet, it still hurts the same.

 

"I don't love you....anymore. I'm done trying ." Taeyong continues.

 

Yuta curled his hands into fists. Holding back his tears. As much as he doesn't want Taeyong to see how weak he is, once again, he loses. "Are you done?" He asked.

 

Taeyong eyes were red as he looks at Yuta. Worried and guilt were written all over his face.

 

"Can I leave n-now?" Yuta asked. He saw Taeyong looked down on the ground and he took a step to leave the exact time his tears starts spilling.

 

Yuta makes his way with a heavy heart. He doesn't think he could stand of hearing more from Taeyong's disdain. To think that someone who he cared for the most and love the most, that it's too easy for Taeyong to shove him away and deny him, was all too traumatic and it hurts Yuta to the core. How come it was too easy for Taeyong to destroy him like this?

 

It was dark on the road and only the streetlights made it possible for Yuta's blurry eyes to see where he's walking. He slumped down on a bench, burrying his palms on his face. Shame and remorse struck on him like daggers. He should've learned from the pain Taeyong put him through in the past. He should've listened to his Hansol to avoid all these from happening. Now it was all too late to realize that everything his friends told Yuta, was for him to prevent from being hurt.

 

Yuta wanted to push aside his emotions and go home where there would at least be a little bit of comfortable. He took his phone out and called Hansol.

 

"Hyung."

 

"Yuta? Why?"

 

"Hansol hyung." Yuta says on the phone and the older hummed. "Can you pick me up? Please."

 

"Yuta, what's going on? Where are you?"

 

It pangs in his heart how worried Hansol's voice sounded. He looked around but he isn't actually sure what this place is called.

 

"I don't---- I'm not sure. But it's near the sea...and it's dark and quiet. Hyung..please."

 

"A--alright. Alright. Don't hang up. I'm on my way."

 

Yuta lowers his phone to his cheek. He hears shuffling from the other line. Certain that Hansol is true to his words when he said he'll be on his way to pick him up. It's amusing how much his friends cares so much about him, but Yuta could care less about them. He has someone who he value so much and yet couldn't the love. Does devotion really has to be unfair for everybody?

 

Taeyong made it clear that Yuta alone is the problem why he always leave him. Childish? How Taeyong couldn't accept him the way he is now. When before, he used to tell Yuta that he loves his every flaws. Was it a lie that Taeyong said? Was the love he promised are nothing but mere lies?

 

Yuta quickly lifts his head up when he heard the pulling of the car. Ten and Hansol were coming out and he run to them, pulling them both in his embrace. That's when Yuta started crying. "T--thank you." He sobs and it's hard to breathe.

 

"Let's go home." Hansol says, placing a hand on his head.

 

None of them were asking what happened and Yuta knows they'll wait until he tells them. Because that's how much they respect him and care for him. But he ignored everyone just to run after someone who shoved him away in the end. It sucks how badly he treated his friends.

 

 

 

\---- sorryy for the late update :(


	8. 8.

(i'm really really sorry for the late update. something happened that i have to go home to japan and the internet connection in my place is so duh) 

 

 

_________________________________

 

 

 

 

Patiently, he waits for the pique to die down. Whatever it is he can do to please and win her heart back. But it seems like a damaged trust is impossible to fix no matter how hard Taeyong tried.

 

His heart breaks to pieces every time he sees Shiho's hesitations whether to talk to him or not. He doesn't want to play robots with Taeyong anymore. It seemed like Shiho also forgotten the ice cream and sweet treats Taeyong rewards him on Sundays. He stopped asking Taeyong to bring him to the play ground to play with his friends too.

 

He thought it will all get better in time. That Joohyun will get over it. If Yuta disappears from their life, Taeyong thought everything would go back from the way it was. He thought he could start all over again with Joohyun and Shiho. But it was all his delusions. Because right now, he's frozen on the spot watching Joohyun with Shiho in her arms walk out the door. If things were how they used to be, Shiho will be crying and telling Joohyun not to leave, and now Shiho is just staring back at him with disappointed look.

 

For all the times Taeyong had cried lately, he's surprised there are still tears left to stream down his eyes. He felt so weak that any moment he could stumble from his stand. His last conversation with Joohyun plays like a mantra in his head:

 

"If it's too easy for you to leave me, then maybe, you really don't love me."

 

"You're right, maybe I don't. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone what you did. That you cheated on me with guy. That will be embarrassing for the both of us."

 

And just like that, he takes Shiho with her. Taeyong tried to stop them, but Shiho only cried when Taeyong grasp at Joohyun's wrist so he quickly let them go. Joohyun couldn't forgive him and that's how they ended.

 

 

Taeyong waits and waits for them to comeback. In a day, in a week, in a month. He contacts her everyday but he's always left with no response. The silence in the house was deafening and it just hits him one day how scared he is all alone.

 

In the past, he backed away and flew out from someone who loves him without any consideration. And now that he's the one who got left behind, it makes him miserable. There's no excuse to his mistakes, to his thoughtless decisions, and now he had to live solely with the damage. Taeyong thinks he deserves this considering all the people he had hurt. But is there a way back to being calm and pain-free?

 

There's no one else to turn to anymore. Not when they got tired and hasten away from him, and not when he already turned his back on them, on him. All this dismay happened all because of his doing. He made selfish decisions without thinking twice. He can't stay in a house where all he's reminded of is regret that lingers like an unforgiving ghost arouns him.

 

Taeyong went home to his family. When the door opened, his mother embraced him tight. As though she immediately understood what Taeyong was going through without asking him. His sister who's watching run towards them to join the hug. They feel warm and safe. And somehow, Taeyong feels happy that there still are people who will stay with him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

If there is anyone who is mostly affected by Yuta's agony, it's his roommate Hansol. Not because Yuta is being a nuisance, he's rather too quiet, but because Hansol is concern with his mental state. Yuta told him every bits of the story as to why he asked Hansol to pick him up at the park that night. It's been four months since that incident and everyone who knows Yuta notice about his change.

 

Yuta mourned endless about his anguish and Hansol was always there along with their friends, coaxing him to eat, to stop crying, until he convinced him to go back to school in two weeks. But Yuta isn't Yuta if he's not talktative and savage. He has yet to come back to his usual self and it's making all his friends concern. He failed to attend football practices too and even signed to quit, including his scholarship and allowance begone.

 

Hansol induced him to message his parents and they contact Hansol everyday to ask about Yuta's condition. His grades were unchanged, average like the usual. Except, Yuta is always gloomy. He doesn't laugh like he used to, or makes fun of anyone when he wants to. Now, he doesn't talk when not necessary or not talk at all. Although Yuta assures him he's fine like this, Hansol is still worried.

 

Yuta reasons he wanted a change. That he doesn't want to be that brusque asshole everyone hates. He wanted to stop being selfish, and most of all....childish.

 

"Do...do you think I deserve everything that happened to me?"

 

Surprised at Yuta's sudden questioning, Hansol sat up and turned the lights of his desk lamp back on.

 

"No, you don't. Nobody deserves to be treated the way he ---- nobody deserves to be treated that way." Hansol tells him, eyeing Yuta but his lamp was off so he couldn't see him from the other bed. "But if it happened to you, then take it as a lesson and learn from it. Nobody deserves to get hurt, Yuta."

 

"Yeah?"

 

Hansol hummed. "Beside, it's not like it's all your fault. So stop blaming yourself. That's unhealthy."

 

"I want to apologize for not listening to you. And to everyone." Yuta says.

 

Hansol hears him shifting on the bed.

 

"If I did, all this wouldn't have to happen." Yuta exhales. "Also, I'm sorry for being offensive. I should pay attention on how others feel, too."

 

"It's fine. As long as you learned from it now." He assures him.

 

"I have a lot of things in my head lately that I know I can't fix. I wish I could simply forget them."

 

Hansol is a prickled at this conversation. He misses the way Yuta is talking garbage, but now it's like every word coming out of his mouth needs listening. He wonders what Yuta was thinking.

 

"If you have anything in mind, just tell me. I want to help you." Hansol advised.

 

Humming, Yuta sighed loud. Talking about his concerns is more comfortable than he thought. He was always so hesitant of telling anybody how he feels, afraid that he'll be misunderstood. There was only one person that can figure out all of him even without words.......

 

"I feel like I've been an asshole to everyone. I'm everyone's pain in the arse. And I want to change that." Yuta tells him.

 

"I don't wanna hurt your feelings but yeah, totally." Hansol says and he hears Yuta snorts. "But there's no need for you to cut everyone out of your life. Jaemin misses you so much, he tells me everyday."

 

"I'll talk to him tomorrow." Yuta quickly says. "I'll eat lunch with everyone too."

 

A smile creeps up on Hansol's face. "Promise?"

 

"Yeah, promise."

 

 

 

 

 

For many months, Joohyun refrained him from any communications with Shiho. Taeyong was persistent until Joohyun agreed and lets him see Shiho at least twice a week. The first time, Shiho doesn't seem happy to see him. But soon, the walls were gone and Shiho was excited to play with him on weekends. At times, Joohyun lets Shiho Skype with Taeyong at night.

 

It wasn't enough and Taeyong feels incomplete not having Shiho around him, and Joohyun too, but it was better than nothing. He misses them everyday. Knowing that Shiho still loves him, was enough to put him to a cozy sleep at night.

 

Also, he's in better relation with Joohyun now and she's fine with talking with Taeyong again. That gave him hope and had him asking if there's a chance between them.

 

"I forgive you, Taeyong. And I'm sorry for all the things I've said to you, and for leaving you. But I don't think you and I........ we don't..... we are not for each other."

 

Taeyong anticipated it, and so it hurts less. All along, he was right. Him, being young and naive, isn't anymore the reason why Joohyun tells him they can't be together. Because maybe, she never really did loved him.

 

It's almost been a year when Joohyun left him with Shiho and Taeyong likes to think his heart had mend from the pain even just a bit. What's important is knowing that they are living well or even better. Taeyong knows there isn't much that he can do but he's complacent that with her family, Shiho is in better hands.

 

 

Taeyong is thankful that his parents are there to look after him again. He seperated from them when he moved for high school, then he completely part from them when he lived with Joohyun. Having them to heed of him again, Taeyong feels safer.

 

His sister finished organizing his papers too so he could transfer and go back to school for the next school year. For the mean time, he stays at home and helps his mother on the chores. It's only been two weeks ago when Taeyong tells his mother what really happened between him and Joohyun, everything. It was surprising how she remained calm about it, and didn't question about Taeyong's orientation as if she knew it all along.

 

"But Yuta, where is he? Do you still talk to him?" She asked.

 

 

 

 

Taeyong is back to school, alone to a new place with new faces. Being a student once again and comparing to what kind of person he was, he knew better than to fuck up again. He will study well so he can at least prove to himself that he isn't just somebody that is a mere mess.

 

If there's one thing Taeyong couldn't get off his mind, it's Yuta. What's worse is in his heart, what he feels for him. It's like there's a never leaving voice inside his head that screams his name non-stop. He's stuck on the same old routine of feeling not his complete self and at and in vain for missing someone.

 

It wasn't easy to push him away another time. It made him feel completely empty. There are a lot of regrets and "if only's" that clutch to his chest. If only he had hold Yuta tighter, that way, he wouldn't feel so alone. If only Yuta can get inside his head, then he would understand why Taeyong did all these.

 

He misses everything about Yuta. He wants to hear his voice, he misses looking at his face and staring at the mole under his eyes, he misses waking up next to him. But Taeyong had to give him up. Even if he yearns for him and needs him so much, Taeyong is someone who'd hurt Yuta to the greatest extent and Yuta doesn't need more of that. He doesn't need Taeyong at all.

 

Yuta's absence in his life might be the most harrowing occurrence he'd ever face. The distance----the uncertainties. But from all these, he had to move along. There was more to life than just losing himself for someone. But it was something strong, it was love, and there's nothing much he can do to stop himself.

 

 

 

 

"Ten."

 

Johnny knocked on the room next to his. Taeil wasn't home from school yet and there's no one else to talk to. Ten groaned inside the room and Johnny took this as a cue to enter. The younger looks so small wrapped in his blanket.

 

"What happened to you? It's only been a month that this semester started and you're already sick?" He sat on the bed, using the back of his hand to check Ten's temperature. "Your fever has cooled down."

 

"Yeah." Ten sniffled. "Thanks for checking up on me."

 

"No, I have something to tell you actually." Johnny pats him on the leg and Ten finally peeked his head out of the blanket. "Taeyong called. He's asking about Yuta."

 

"Huh?" Ten sat up, looking at Johnny with big eyes. "You mean he still have the nerves to ask?"

 

He shrugs.

 

"What did you tell him?" Ten wants to know.

 

"That I think it's better if he leave Yuta alone."

 

Ten nods. "He's like married and a father. Is he never satisfied? Besides, he'd wreck Yuta twice. Why must he look for him now?"

 

"To apologize?" Johnny shrugs.

 

"That's nonsense. Yuta is better off without him."

 

"Couldn't agree more. But, should we tell Yuta? We shouldn't, right? But I kind of want to. He deserves an apology, at least." Johnny is hesitant at his own suggestion.

 

"How is that going to make any difference? Do you want Yuta to make a fool out of himself again?" Ten huffed.

 

"No..... I just don't want to...." Johnny sighed. "Nevermind. Just don't tell anyone about this."

 

"And why not?"

 

"I don't know. Let's just pretend Taeyong is completely out of our lives. For Yuta. To avoid complications, maybe." Johnny says unsure.

 

"I don't wanna shut up about it."

 

"Well you did shut up knowing about his and Yuta's rendezvous." Johnny retaliates. While they were taking, it somewhat slipped on Yuta's mouth that Ten knew about it.

 

"Oh."

 

"Why did you do that? You could've told us to avoid---"

 

"I just don't want to associate with him. Or Taeyong."

 

"You're one to talk." Johnny rolled his eyes.

 

"Gotta admit, I made a mistake at that."

 

Johnny hummed. "A terrible. Terrible."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hansol busy himself cleaning. It wasn't as chaotic as it used to be. No used clothes or nasty socks scattered around the room. He should feel jubilant about this but----- his train of thoughts was cut when there was a faint knock on the door.

 

A silent gasped escaped his mouth when he opens and sees the person standing on the other side of the door. It was Taeyong. He doesn't look like anything from the last time Hansol had seen him. His bright brown hair that was always styled up, is now brushed down and black. He was thinner too, when the Taeyong that Hansol knew was lean from his love of dancing. Only he recognized Taeyong for that small scar under his eyes.

 

"Ha--Hansol." Taeyong swallowed thick.

 

"What are you------ You know this place?" Hansol asked. Taeyong already left and all of his friends decided they move on this cozy newly built school dorm instead of staying on an apartment.

 

"Is Yuta inside?"

 

After what happened between them, why would Taeyong look for Yuta? Hansol wants to know.

 

"Can I come in? I need to talk to him. Please." Taeyong says in a quiet voice. Tip toeing to peek inside the room Hansol was blocking through the door.

 

"He's not here." Hansol says.

 

"Hyung... Please. I need to see him." Taeyong pleads, one hand gripping the front of Hansol's shirt.

 

"Actually, Taeyong. He left." Hansol tells him.

 

"He... left?" Taeyong

 

Hansol nods. "He went home to Japan when the semester ended. It's almost been a year."

 

"No..." Taeyong whispers.

 

He was angry at Taeyong for making Yuta feel like shit, twice. They were bestfriends and they loved each other for sure. Hansol thinks Yuta only loved Taeyong solely and didn't deserve to be treated the way Taeyong did to him. But he felt a pang in his chest when he saw the glint of sadness in Taeyong's eyes. He doesn't know what Taeyong's intention is, but he isn't used to seeing any of his friends looking dejected. That's why it hurts him too that he had to live with Yuta and his grief.

 

"What do you need from him?" Hansol asked stiff. He wants to hug and comfort Taeyong but needs to hold back---for Yuta.

 

"I need him."

 

Hansol was surprised at the boldness of his answer.

 

"I want to talk to him, please. Help me, hyung."

 

Taeyong was practically begging and Hansol just stood there unable to comprehend what Taeyong was thinking.

 

"But I don't think you should see him again." Hansol says and he immediately saw Taeyong's face contorts in fear. "Do you like making a fool out of him so much? Have pity, Taeyong."

 

"Hyung... That's...."

 

"Do you know what happened when you left him three years ago? He almost killed himself. Then you did again. And now, you still have the guts to----- Taeyong.. you should know your limits. I'm sorry Taeyong but..it's best if you leave him alone. He'll be just fine without you."

 

Hansol watches Taeyong stood in front of him, unmoving. The tears forming in the corner of his eyes are visible and Hansol, as much as he misses Taeyong, didn't want to see more of it. Gently, he closed the door on Taeyong's face.

 

Yuta and Taeyong could be a story, if Taeyong didn't fucked it all up. Hansol witnessed their relationship grow and he saw it fall apart. Their devotion to each other was genuine until Taeyong's decides to leave. Hansol believes that Yuta's heart remained and carried on to love alone. It was clear for everyone to see. Taeil always say that it was stupid and childish, but Hansol thinks Yuta is just really in love. With a wrong person, Johnny will add. Yuta may not be mature like the others, but Hansol thinks he doesn't have to be mature to be in love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

As the plane lands and Taeyong made his way out of the airport, he immediately feel lost. Although it wasn't his first time in Japan, the place suddenly became unfamiliar again. It was cold and his fingers carefully fiddle with the cloth of his favorite sweater. It was sentimental and just by this one thing, thousands of memories muddled up in Taeyong's head.

 

Christmas is nearing and the frosty air blows around. The trees on the sidewalk were embellished with golden garlands. The sky was getting dark but the bright and colorful Christmas lights from the stores and buildings twinkle to lit up the place. With a map in hand, Taeyong helped himself to cross the busy streets to find the hotel he booked in. Even if he knows a little of Japanese, it's still difficult to comminicate but he was lucky the lady receptionist figures the language barrier and used hand gestures for words Taeyong couldn't cope.

 

He took the elevator and climb up to the 9th floor where his room is. It was too big for him alone as well as he didn't bring much with him, just a luggage and a backpack. Taeyong carefully arranges his clothes on the drawers and right when he finished, a hotel employee rang the door bell to deliver his dinner. It's been awhile since the last time he had a taste of Japanese cuisine. When he visits before, he makes sure to have tonkatsu for meal. It's not always that he gets to eat it, but Taeyong could say it's his favorite. Having the taste roll on his tongue brings back so much memories that he had to stop eating and restrain his emotions. It felt like it was just yesterday when he'd come with Yuta to Osaka on summer vacations. They will stay for a month and Yuta and his family will take Taeyong to places and travel around. He had to learn Japanese or have Yuta to translate so he could talk to Yuta's sweet parents who treat Taeyong like their real son.

 

Yuta.........

 

It was just last week when Taeyong talked to his mother about him. He told Mrs. Lee how badly he wants to see Yuta. That he can't bottle up the feelings all alone at the thought of Yuta hating him, or moreover, being away from him. Taeyong always feel the need of explaining about Joohyun and Shiho, that maybe a day will come that he can work things out with them, but the last time he talked about it, his mother told him not to strain himself onto selfless ideas. That's when he apologize to everything and his mother embraced him tight. She told Taeyong to do what his heart tells him to.

 

Taeyong wants to see Yuta and he will find him and tell him how much he miss him, and love him. What's gonna happen after, whether Yuta forgive him or shove him away, is for Taeyong to accept.

 

 

 

 

It was so cold and Taeyong thinks he will freeze if he takes any longer even in the hot shower. He covers himself with layers of clothes and thick gloves. He looked over the weather on his phone to check if he could make it back to the hotel alive. The coffee at the hotel's lounge warmed him up a bit. With quick steps, Taeyong slip out of the building.

 

Yuta's house is located at the lower part of the city. Taeyong memorizes the way from the castle park to Yuta's small home. He didn't let himself be distracted by the amusing places in Osaka and continuous his task. But as he was nearing, Yuta's home in sight, Taeyong's lips began to tremble. His hands shivers from the cold and possibly from the mixed feeling of agitation and excitement of seeing Yuta.

 

Taeyong stopped on his tracks, his head pounding from the thought that there is no way Yuta will be happy to see him at all. Who was he kidding. After all he'd done to Yuta, it's but a mere wishful thinking that he'd be pleased to see him. He stepped back and suddenly, all his hopes are gone. Maybe Hansol was right. It's absurd to even think about showing himself to Yuta.

 

His courage died down and he drew back. Taeyong pulled the hoodie to his head in attempt to hide his face, too ashamed to be even seen. And with a heavy heart, Taeyong runs back to his hotel room.

 

 

 

 

 

Taeyong awokens with a headache, unable to breathe because of the pillow muffling his breath. He guesses he fell asleep crying. He gets up, wiping the drying tears off his face with cold palms. Taeyong reaches out for his phone to check the time. It's a quarter to 6 o'clock and he dozed off for a long time. There was a message from his mother and Taeyong quickly open to read it.

 

Typing a reply, Taeyong apologizes yet again. He wrote on the message that today didn't go well and he lost his nerves on knocking at Yuta's door. Taeyong tells her that he guesses coming to Japan isn't a good idea and that he should deliberate over on his decisions more than acting on it. He was expecting for a reply telling him to come home but rather, there were comforting words added with encouragement. Moreover, he doesn't want to go home without seeing Yuta.

 

 

 

The next place Taeyong visits the next day is the soccer stadium. It's a famous place in Osaka that Yuta likes to visit all the time. Also, it's surrounded by restaurants and arcade malls. Taeyong stood at the entrance, leaning on the side at enclosure of the expectators shed. Every time they visit Japan, Yuta would insist on playing here with his friends. He watches the players, squinting his eyes in hopes to see him in the field or the seats. For five minutes, Taeyong stood still, watching closely. For fifteen minutes, to thirty and to an hour. It was getting colder and for about two hours, Yuta was still a no show.

 

Taeyong gave up. Maybe he really wouldn't see Yuta just anywhere unless he comes to his house. But he knows Yuta was open to his family and they probably knew what happened between them. In order words, he can't just show his face mostly to Yuta's parents who were the kindest to him. They accepted Yuta and Taeyong's relationship wholeheartedly and without any questions and Taeyong always envied that because he had no idea how to come out to his family. Mr. And Mrs. Nakamoto trusted him fully but he broke that trust. What he'd done to Yuta was unforgiveable and yet he's still here to ask for another chance.

 

To entertain himself, Taeyong entered a store. There were various gifts like stuffed toys, keychains, frames and figurines. He walks to the shelf with stuffed animals, scanning the panda toy. Joohyun's birthday is next month and he wants to give something to her. He made a funny face upon realizing she doesn't like cutesy stuff at all, unlike Yuta who gets overjoyed even with just a piece of candy Taeyong gives him. It's funny how he fell in love with two entirely different people.

 

Taeyong instead decides on buying a leggo set for Shiho and a flower pendant for Joohyun. Maybe she will like it somehow. Coming out the store, his thoughts about Joohyun halts to a stop when he saw the person he's been wanting to see all along, the person who he came here for, standing in front of the store. Yuta was on his phone and Taeyong had no idea what to do. Should he call his name? Will Yuta be happy to see him? Or is he going to get punched? Will Yuta be surprised if he sees Taeyong right in front of him in Osaka? All his questions was cut when Yuta lifts his head up, warm eyes meeting Taeyong. His heart pounded like crazy and anticipates the worst, but instead, Yuta smiled at him with wide eyes

 

"Taeyong!" Yuta walks closer and gave him a quick hug.

 

Frozen on his stand, Taeyong lost his tongue but the feel of Yuta's warmth in him burns. He's lost for words and dumbly staring at him.

 

"You're in Japan? Ah long time no see. I study in Kitaki High school here now. The one I told you I've always want to go to. Their passion for football here is crazy and I got on the team real quick!"

 

Taeyong is just looking at him, admiring his handsome face, probably. The sound of Yuta's voice is fulfilling, yet he feels empty thinking for only how long hearing him would last. They are facing each other, but the distant Taeyong feels is difficult to describe.

"What are you doing here? Did you come with Shiho? And Joohyun?" Yuta asked.

 

"I..... Y--yes." Taeyong stuttered. It was a thoughtless answer. But if he said no and Yuta would ask why, he probably won't be able to control his mouth this time. Despite what he'd done to, Yuta is still smiling at him good-naturedly.

 

"Yuta!!"

 

"Oh." Yuta pants, holding Taeyong's hand. "As much as I want to talk I need to leave now. It's nice meeting you again, Tae. See you around!"

 

With a racing heart of Yuta's hands on his, Taeyong turned his head on the other side of the street. There was a girl waving and Taeyong's world collapsed at the single thought of who she might be. And then Yuta's warmth wasn't there anymore. His chest feels heavy as he watches Yuta crossed the street and disappeared with the crowd. He turned away, doubting that he'll be able to take it to see Yuta with someone else. Is this how Yuta felt when Taeyong chose Joohyun over him?

 

Taeyong took a taxi and suddenly even common Japanese words he knows feels foreign on his ears. Fortunately, he was able to remember the name of his hotel. In a haste, Taeyong runs to the elevator and kept on bowing and apologizing to the people he bumped in to. Finally, he reached his room. He was in cold sweat, shaking. The consequences of what he'd done to Yuta is slowly slipping into his skin. Unable to calm down, Taeyong called his mom.

 

"Mom...I saw him. W---we talked. I--"

 

"Taeyong, calm down. Get a glass of water to drink, please."

 

Nodding on the phone, Taeyong complied. His throat feels tight as the water runs down. It's alarming how fiery the effect Yuta has on him. Taeyong tells her what happened and she said if it's difficult for him, he can just go home. He considers that, but tells her that he could give it another try. Ending the call, Taeyong felt weary.

 

It's tiring to be lost in his thoughts. Yuta might be better off without him, and yet he's here again trying to find his piece in Yuta's life. Yuta's feelings might have change too. But if it did or not, that's what Taeyong wants to hear. He won't give up on them, unless Yuta tells him he should.

 

 

 

 

The next day, Taeyong puts up all his courage. On the same place and same time, he finds Yuta standing with his back against him.

 

"Yuta."

 

"T--Taeyong!" Yuta seemed surprise this time, but still smiles. "You startled me."

 

"C--can we talk?"

 

"Huh...? Uh, sure." Yuta nodded hesitantly.

 

"I just---" Taeyong starts but Yuta beats him to it.

 

"Want to grab a coffee? It's cold. Are you with anyone?" Yuta asked, looking around. He expects Joohyun and Shiho to be with Taeyong but he's alone again this time.

 

"No.... I mean...okay. No I'm not with...It's cold."

 

Yuta chuckled. "It is. Grab a coffee with me."

 

Taeyong followed Yuta to a cafe. It was cozy inside, and the heater was turned high that Taeyong felt warm instantly. The strong aroma of the coffee makes Taeyong uncomfortable and Yuta lets him sit on a table close to the heater and watches him order. Taeyong looked around, the walls were chestnut brown and the tables were red. The ambience was relaxing and Yuta thinks he'd calmed down a bit. And abruptly takes it back because Yuta was walking closer, sitting down on the seat opossite to Taeyong and hands him a cup of coffee.

 

"T---thank you."

 

"You want to talk? Tae, if it's about what happened between us, it's okay. You don't have to apologize. I'm completely fine and you don't have to feel bad." Yuta said and gave him a kind smile.

 

Taeyong doesn't exactly know how to start. Yuta is waiting for him to speak, but then again, he's lost for words. And just now, he started noticing the details. Yuta cut his hair shorter and it was a mix of brown and red. He looks like he'd gained a little of weight too. In other words, Yuta looks healthy and bright.

 

"Actually, I went to a counselling. It was weird because I was different, and most of them attend for staying in on a broken family. But they helped me a lot. Mom said I've become more mature the last time she saw me. It's crazy." Yuta said, checking his phone.

 

Taeyong just listens. Observing how confident Yuta speaks. His words were clear and clever. What bothers him was Yuta instantly checking on his phone. His heart stings just at the thought of it, and just then, Yuta speaks again.

 

"I met someone. We met at the counselling sessions and she's so nice.." Yuta says, playing with the cup of his coffee and Taeyong sees a small smile creeps up on his face. "She helped me a lot, Tae. To get over you. When I thought I couldn't. When I wanted to give up everything."

 

Yuta is waiting for him to say something. But Taeyong still couldn't get himself together. For sure, Yuta went to the counselling because of him. To that extent, he'd hurt Yuta, but now that person is still smiling in front of him good-naturedly. He wants to apologize, but he's afraid of what might come out of his mouth.

 

"So you don't have to worry about me, Taeyong. I've gotten better. And you, how are you?" Yuta smiled at him wide that hus eyes crinkled.

 

It was blinding and Yuta's smile got him bewitched. Taeyong feels lost in Yuta's eyes, and he wants to stay in them. He wants those eyes to only look at him. His voice to only call his name. And it wasn't a selfish wish, it was love. Just like the moment when the world stopped moving around him, eyes staring back at Yuta, and he realized that all along, he was in love. That without hesitation, he tells Yuta that he loves him. And Yuta tells him he feels the same.

 

"I love you." Taeyong says.

 

"W---what?" Yuta faltered, looking at him confused.

 

It etched to Taeyong's heart. The uncertainty painted on Yuta's face makes Taeyong realized how much he'd messed up. It was inevitable, if Yuta doesn't want to believe him anymore. Considering all the unforgivable mistakes he'd done to Yuta repeatedly.

 

"I said I love you. And I mean it." Taeyong says again.

 

"T--Taeyong that's ridiculous." Yuta hissed, his phone placed on top of the table starts ringing.

 

Taeyong looked at the screen and saw a name of a girl flashing in Japanese characters. He didn't let Yuta pick it up by holding his hand to stop him.

 

"I love you and I'll say it again. I love you, ." Taeyong insists, hand tightening around Yuta's wrist. "I know it's not easy for you to believe me but please give me a cha---"

 

"Taeyong." Yuta stood up, removing Taeyong's grip on his wrist but gently. "It's okay. You don't have to feel sorry. You don't have to do this either. You can stop now, please. Let's not complicate things anymore. I'm over it and I'm sure you are too."

 

"You...don't love me? Anymore?" Taeyong asked in a shaking voice. That can't be it. Yuta is lying.

 

Yuta placed a hand on top of Taeyong's head. Making him look down on the groud. Taeyong palms his face as tears starts to fall.

 

"Taeyong..." Yuta pats Taeyong's head, and gently tousle his hair. "You will always be my bestfriend. Let's forgive each other now. And let go. It was good to see you again, Taeyong. But I have to go now."

 

It hurts more when he heard Yuta's footsteps fading away. Yuta left him just like that and he's sure everyone in the coffee shop is looking at him. But Taeyong could careless. Yuta didn't stay. If rejection hurts like this, then he must've made Yuta lost his mind. Because Taeyong sees Yuta as the only person in the world that could make him happy, the only one he wants to be with. And to hear from Yuta that it's over, it's like he'll never be okay again, unless Yuta says he loves him too.

 

 

 

"What's wrong, honey?"

 

Yuta sighed so loud when he entered the house that his mother from the kitchen heard him.

 

"N--nothing, mom. It's just.........." Taeyong is here in Osaka and he said he still loves me. "...I'm tired."

 

His mother hummed in response. "Did Mina liked the Takoyaki I made her?"

 

"Oh, yes!" Yuta smiled at her wide. "She said she wants to learn from you!"

 

"Sure." Mrs. Nakamoto said, enthusiastic. "Tell her to come over whenever she's free, I'll teach her how to make it since you like it so much."

 

Yuta chuckled. "Of course. Mom, I'll nap in my room for a bit. Wake me up on dinner."

 

"Go ahead."

 

Yuta climbs up to his room, heaving another sigh. To see Taeyong in Japan was startling to begin with, but for Taeyong to tell Yuta that he still loves him was alarming. Back then, when Taeyong left him for Joohyun, Yuta didn't think time nor distance heals anything. But coming back to Japan with his family and meeting another person that cares about him, Yuta gave himself a chance. The last time Taeyong pushed him away made him realize all these.

 

Despite all that, he couldn't bring himself to hate Taeyong. Maybe Yuta was too forgiving, but it's just that Taeyong is someone who made Yuta the person he is now. Taeyong played a huge role in his life that it was difficult to forget him. So Yuta thinks it's just fine to welcome him again, to become his friend.

 

Mina always tells him how important it is to forgive, and how he should forget about REVENGE. Yuta told her everything about his past, that he was in love with a man. But she didn't make Yuta feel different. Grateful that someone like Mina came to his life and accepted him fully. .

 

Although Mina wasn't perfect, she's everything Yuta could ask for. Someone so gentle and kind. In return, Yuta makes himself reliable. He makes sure he's there every time Mina cries when things get difficult with her family. Yuta promised he'll be there no matter what.

 

Taking off his shoes to lie on his bed, Yuta wonders what Taeyong was up to. He made it clear that he never really loved Yuta at all, but for him to suddenly tell Yuta that he does, was something he never expect and most of all, confusing. It had him thinking that Taeyong is probably having problems with Joohyun again and needs somebody. But for him to actually go to Japan for that, maybe Taeyong is really desperate this time.

 

Guilt struck him in an instant. He should've asked Taeyong what's wrong before taking in what he said. But instead, he made it more difficult for Taeyong by rejecting him. He should've seen through him. Yuta wants to help Taeyong this time, and not with just sex. Yet, he didn't want to betray his mother when he promised he would stop all his connections with Taeyong.

 

It was difficult to decide. His mother trust him, and he didn't want to break that over thoughtless decisions. This time, for his own, maybe it might be the best that he stay away from Taeyong.

 

 

 

Yuta made up his mind to stay away and keep it from his mother about his encounter with Taeyong so she wouldn't worry. Mina will understand, but it was better for her not to know.

 

"Mom, do you think I'm gaining weight?" Yuta asked, puffing his cheeks out to make her laugh.

 

"Well, now that you're doing that."

 

"I'm going for a jog with dad but he's still sleeping."

 

"Take Rapunzel with you?" His mom suggests.

 

"Nah." Yuta groaned, making a face. "The last time I did, she pooped at the plaza and didn't have tissue with me. Oh, the memories. Wanna go instead?"

 

Mrs. Nakamoto shook her head, laughing at Yuta. "I still have to make your breakfast."

 

"Alright, I'll be back at seven." Yuta looks at the wall clock, he had half an hour to jog.

 

Outside, it was freezing and Yuta's layers of jacket didn't help at all. He guesses it's going to snow sooner. His knees still hurts from slipping on the field yesterday so he opts to take a walk instead. Cold fingers fumbling on the screen of his mp3. There aren't much people this early and it's still a little dark on the road, and he almost stumbled on his steps.

 

It was refreshing. The gentle ballad song playing on his mp3 and the appetizing smell of the fresh bread from the bakeries opening early in the morning. Freshly cooked bread are the best so he entered his favorite bakeshop and bought garlic bread that his mother likes. It's still hot and Yuta hurried back to his house, running and ignoring the little sting on his knees.

 

Just as he was about open the gates of his house, he felt strong arms wrapped around him. Startled, the paper bag he was holding fell. But upon realization, Yuta didn't have to look back to figure who it was.

 

"Taeyong....what are you doing..." He asked softly, but more of like a statement than a question.

 

No answer.

 

Yuta turned around so he could face Taeyong, grabbing the other on his cheeks. "You're really persistent, aren't you?"

 

Maybe It was the fervor of the moment, that Yuta actually kissed Taeyong full on the mouth. So much for wanting to stay away from him, Yuta couldn't lie to himself. All his effort of trying to forget Taeyong went down the drain now that Taeyong is kissing him back with the same force.

 

Yuta blindly fumbles to open the gate, grabbing Taeyong on the waist and drags him in. He pulled Taeyong to the garage where noone can hear them, his mouth never leaving the other. Taeyong moaned to the kiss and Yuta kissed him harder. He pulled him closer to Taeyong could understand how much he wants this too.

 

Taeyong was quick on embracing him when Yuta pulled away from the kiss. Hugging him close and tight that it was difficult to breathe.

 

Yuta wraps his arms around Taeyong too, burrying his face on Taeyong's neck. Suddenly, it wasn't too cold and Yuta could feel beads of sweats on his forehead.

 

For awhile, they stayed like that. It was quiet and only their panting could be heard. Yuta doesn't think Taeyong will let go of him any time soon.

 

"I'd invite you inside but..... They parents hate you." Yuta speaks, breaking the silence. Immediately regretting why even said that because Taeyong starts crying like a child. To make up for it, he draws circles with his palms on Taeyong's back."Hey..... "

 

"I---- I'm so sorry, Yuta."

 

"I don't hate you, silly." Yuta kissed his forehead.

 

"B---but you don't love me anymore." Taeyong choked a sob. When Yuta didn't say something, he cried again. "See.... Y---you don't."

 

"T--that's because I shouldn't. I shouldn't love someone who's married." Yuta breathes out. "I don't want to be a second choice, Taeyong."

 

"N---no!" Taeyong scowled, burying his face on Yuta's neck. "I've always chose you. Why won't you believe me?"

 

"Taeyong, you left me for her. Twice." Yuta says, impossibly.

 

"Did you think I wanted that? That's stupid. I only want you... Yuta." Taeyong insist, hands gripping the back of Yuta's jacket.

 

"I'm stupid. We're both stupid. So stupid. I can't believe I'm getting myself into this again. Hansol will kill me for sure." Yuta says, shaking his head. He pecks Taeyong on the lips. " Goddamnnit, Lee Taeyong. Why did you have to knock up someone? D--do you have any idea how much you hurt me?! When you left?!"

 

"I-- I'm so sorry."

 

"You said you'd marry me! You said we'd have dogs for kids! B--but now, you have a kid and that's so fucking---" Yuta was cut, distracted by Taeyong's cold hands on his. "A--are you that cold? Wait, let me check inside if I could s--snuck you in."

 

Taeyong thoughtlessly nods. But feels empty immediately when Yuta leaves his arms.

 

"You know what, fuck it." Yuta spits, grasping Taeyong on the wrist. "If you leave again, I'd........let's get in together."

 

"B--but... You said they hate me." Taeyong muttered.

 

"Tell them I love you, then."

 

 

 

 

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thank you all so much for reading this fic and im sorry if its ugly. now that this is finished, I'll update the epilogue for "would u let me" then for this one. Tha k you ily all


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